Comments on: What Do You Do When Your Man Says “I Need Space”?

By: Sharlene Le

Sharlene Le — Tue, 26 Oct 2010 13:33:04 +0000

Hi Carrie, thank you for reading, I am so sorry that you are going thru this difficult time with your husband. In my brief opinion, it seems as if you both should spend a little more time together, I know it’s alot easier said than done because life duties can be so demanding, But I’m all for love and relationships, and I will always give it my 110%, so with that being said, I suggest you and your husband spending a weekend away from home. Try and reconnect, talk about random things, try your best to not bring up your relationship issues on your time away, be yourself, try and remember why you both fell in love, bring back the intimacy, let him see you the way he used to see you. Sometimes relationships do grow apart, we all change, we all go through difficult life obstacles, and it can be a real test to relationships, it can either strengthen or weaken it but regardless of the outcome, just prepare yourself for which ever path your marriage may take.

On another note, I do strongly believe in Karma, and I have to say that it also may seem as if his heart took a serious emotional beating throughout the years that you had an emotional affair with someone else, I hate to say it especially in your situation as we speak, but the tables have turned. Now that you’ve decided to not share your heart with anyone else other than your husband, he’s at that point where he’s probably scared and skeptical if he should pursue your marriage, which is probably why he says he needs space. He stuck by your side through alot, he now needs you to stand by his side and support him. If he decides to discuss divorce with you, you will have to be strong and face the consequences. We all go through major heart aches in our life time and this is probably one of yours….

Try your best and have a weekend away with just him….remember, don’t discuss anything regarding your marriage, and if he brings it up, suggest that you talk about it when you get home. Also, don’t forget, bring back the intimacy, do something special for him, leave him cute love notes where you know he’ll find it, leave him hints of what he can look forward to on your weekend away…etc….if you show him that this side of you is still alive, then there’s a chance you may awaken his heart towards you again.

It’s not going to be an easy road ahead and it’s not going to happen over night, but be patient and all will be well!

By: Carrie

Carrie — Fri, 15 Oct 2010 17:03:49 +0000

I agree with you how much space does a man need. I work out of town all week and am only home on the weekends. I have been married for 22 years and I will admit it has been a roller coaster ride. I do not blame my husband for all of our problems as I am as much to blame and maybe even more. I did have a cruz-ship affair prior to our marriage and I told him about it but he still wanted to marry me. Almost 25 year later I still hear about this. I also about 7 years ago had a 6 year somehwhat emotional affair with another man and did refuse to give up my friendship with this man even at my husband urging. As stated this was 7 years ago that this took place and I do not keep in contact with him any longer. I sound like a terrible person and to some extent based on the stated I guess maybe I am but I have worked hard for my family/husband and have continually sacraficed the things that mattered to me so that he could be happy and feel complete and through the years great resitment has grown. I have apologized for this and I do feel sorrow over the pain that I caused my husband but this too is constantly thrown in my face. My husband is not innocent as he too has reached out to several other women but his excuse it that I did it first. I do not continue to torment him as I have accepted the fact that he felt justified in his actions. Through all of the years of termoil I have felt that we should get a divorce and I have threatened him many times but in my heart it is not really what I want I have just wanted change from him on the issues that have plaged our relationship. I supported my husband through college and put my aspirations on the back burner for him to complete his. I am now in a place for the past month where my husband has decided that he needs space, is confused, and he has removed his wedding ring. I have told him that I love him, value our life and our marriage and he is my true love. I have suggested marriage counseling and sent sweet emails, etc… but he will not reply or consider doing anything. He tells me that he does not want to give me mixed signals, but I still pack a suitcase every week, leave a house that I pay for, and he sacrafices nothing. I am not sure how long this can go on. Tell me your opinion.

By: Sharlene Le

Sharlene Le — Thu, 11 Feb 2010 15:14:32 +0000

Tanny, I am so sorry to hear about what this man has put you through. I think you are on the right track, moving on with your life, he took you for granted, he didn’t realize what he had until you were gone. I’m sorry but the world doesn’t revolve around him. He was your husband and should have realized that he’s got responsibilities, the fact that he broke the trust you had for him and the fact that he took the one thing a man and wife shares and shared it with someone else gives you all the more reason to move on freely. I was cheated on, and now I’m a single mother, so I know exactly how you feel, you should read my blog on “Divorce, how to close….” or “Healing words for the wounded heart”. Know that you gave him what he wanted, you gave it your all and there was nothing else you could have done. At times he will try and flip the script to leave you believing you were the one to blame, but don’t let this break you down. Now that he sees that you are capable of surviving without him and that you don’t really need him, that’s why he probably wants to come back, some men always want what they can’t have (this applies to women also), its really your decision to take him back or not. I for one, couldn’t reconcile with my ex, because every time I looked at him, I saw him as being tainted, and I realized that he wasn’t the one for me. Now I have a wonderful man in my life that treats me the way a woman should be treated. And soon you will find someone who knows your worth!!!! Again, hang in there, you are on the right path, and I’m proud of you for being such a strong individual!!!

By: Tanny

Tanny — Thu, 11 Feb 2010 14:33:22 +0000

I wish i could agree but when my husband asked for space he still wished to have sex and have everything his way like money and children. He wouldnt though pay for the children and let me hit rock bottom money wise. He wanted cake and to eat it. I backed off as i read one of these men need space articles and he ended up having sex with someone else where he was working. He treats me like im the one to blame and believe me i am left scratching my head as my husband was a chef lived away from home two weeks at a time, How much more space does a man need? I told him with a middle finger of course that he can have as much space as he wanted, lost 3 stone and went out often, got a job and now hes interested? well he can fly i am not a toy to be manipulated just because he wanted to do his thing. I am a human with feelings too. I would seriously after this question why a man needs space.

By: 9desertrose9

9desertrose9 — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 02:36:35 +0000

great article/blog.. you are so right & I wish the same that men knew things would be easier if they opened up a little (well depending on who they are opening up to)

By: Paul

Paul — Sun, 25 Oct 2009 23:11:19 +0000

Or is he not ready to make a committement to the relationship?Or is there another person? Males have a tendency not to express their true feelings or they feel that they cannot express their feelings in a true statement as not to say to offend the other.I am afaid that males were not taught to express their feelings from a young age they fell they must the tough macho male.

By: developer28

developer28 — Sun, 25 Oct 2009 17:40:59 +0000

A nice post again..! Truly describes what a guy means when he says that he needs space.!
A thing very few women are able to understand..

By: Aman

Aman — Sun, 25 Oct 2009 17:36:00 +0000

They say, for a flute to be as sweet as it is, it needs to undergo a lot of pain…

It’s pith needs to be torn out, it needs to be made hollow and drilled with holes..only then it brings out that sweet sound…

You are that flute..!

By: Karlil

Karlil — Sat, 24 Oct 2009 10:16:02 +0000

Coming from a guy, what you have written is so true. As long as you don’t show desperation, he will start to miss you sooner or later. Of course that is assuming the relationship has no problem in the first place. Good article sharlene.

By: liltinybus

liltinybus — Sat, 24 Oct 2009 03:17:12 +0000

I’ve never had a man tell me he needed space. All jokes aside, well written. Of course this doesn’t describe all men, but generally speaking it’s good advice.