My Treasured Moments

What Do You Do When Your Man Says “I Need Space”?

| 60 Comments

SadManLet me start by saying, if I knew what I know now, it would have been really helpful about 2 months ago when my boyfriend at the time approached me and said that he needed some space. This was an absolute shock; I went into panic mode and had no idea what to think or how to react. Like any other female, I immediately thought it was me, I started believing that it was something that I did, even though he said it wasn’t me and that he just really needed some space to think things through, I didn’t comprehend how to give the space he needed, this is something I’ve never been asked to do. How do you go from being in love with someone at that very moment then in a heartbeat you have to refrain from contacting him completely?

I was on the wrong path mentally, I reacted incorrectly; I failed to realize that he just needed a little time to sort through his issues before he can focus on giving me the attention that I deserve. I constantly expected him to think and act like a woman normally would in a situation like this by being analytical. He’s going through a difficult time in his life right now, things were great between us, we were actually so compatible in every way and our relationship was absolutely wonderful. I made him happy as much as a person can make another happy, but what he was missing was his inner happiness, he needed to feel happy with himself in order to be fully happy with me. I completely understood this, I’ve been in his shoes before and that’s why I believe I should have been mentally prepared and mature enough to react differently, I should have understood a bit more. I know this now and wish that I knew it then. It really is easier said than done, once a person is in a situation like this, you tend to drift away from the main focus and your mind starts to wonder negatively instead of focusing on the positive facts, which is comprehending that he just needed A LITTLE SPACE.

man in fog

When a man feels that he needs space and he assures you that he still cares for you deeply, it only means that he’s frustrated and really doesn’t know how to handle it. I’ll try my best to explain….At times his mind will get so foggy that he can’t see or think clearly, in other words, the path he was once on is no longer visible, there may be a ton of issues that’s on his mind including his relationship with you. His way of solving his issues is to first begin with the present, which is his significant other. He will ask for space, (understand that he’s not shutting the door on your relationship, he’s just merely pushing it in a bit with hopes of returning), at this time he will utilize his time alone to prioritize and sort through what’s badgering him, it may take a couple weeks, a month or more…regardless, if you feel that he is someone worth waiting for, then all you need to do is be confident, trust and have patience. Once he’s able to start solving his problems, the fog slowly starts to disappear which now makes the path he was once on VISIBLE again. This is when he will attempt to follow the path back to where he left off in hopes of you still being there. Asking for space is a risk that he is taking, it’s a risk of losing his significant other, but if you both had a strong relationship and you knew that you fulfilled each other in ways that no one else could, then there is a high possibility that his significant other will be waiting for him.woman waiting by door

I’m sure that everyone can agree with me when I say that men and women are so different when it comes to our mentalities. Women are more open with their emotions, we are more sensitive, we love to talk things out when there is a problem, cry easily and we tend to need reassurance at times. Men you really can’t be upset at this, it’s just in our nature to be so concerned and believe that every thing can be resolved with our help. Some problems are better solved when left along, but this is something that we are still learning how to master. Men on the other hand are more reserved with their feelings, it’s never up for discussion, being pressured to talk does nothing but push them away and even if they are heart broken, they keep it to themselves. Men cope with emotions differently, men will probably say things to their significant other that may be hurtful, when in reality they don’t intentionally mean to hurt you, they do this in hopes that it will be the end of the conversation at that very moment, deep down they are probably hurting inside just as much as you are, but they just don’t know how to let that feeling out especially when they feel pressured. I truly wish men understood how much better things can be if they would just let us know how they truly feel =)

Things that women should do when their man says that he needs space:

  • Be willing to trust in him and respect his wishes
  • Show him that you are mature enough to accept this temporary change
  • Don’t pressure him to talk too much about it
  • Understand that he will discuss it when he’s ready
  • Don’t badger him, let him call you if he wants to talk
  • Let him miss you; don’t panic, he will start thinking about the good times and will miss you
  • Let him be the one to realize on his own how happy he was with you
  • Know that he will remember the wonderful person you are; he won’t forget you overnight
  • Support him; be there for him when he calls on you for emotional support
  • Don’t give up hope, he’ll be back if he truly cherished your relationship
  • Be confident that he will find his path back to you
  • Always smile if there is any type of communication; smiles can be contagious
  • Most important, let him know that you are leaving the door open for him

With this new found knowledge on men, I would have done a lot differently over the past few months. I would have definitely backed off completely and respected his wish of wanting space. I wouldn’t have taken it so personal by assuming it was me, I would have provided more support to him rather than adding more stress to his life by constantly wanting to talk things out. I was so determined to figure out what went wrong, I’ve concluded that this was an obstacles that was out of my control. There wasn’t anything I could have said to change things; all I could have done was give him his space. If I can say one more thing to him, I would tell him that I’m sorry, I’m sorry for not understanding as much as I should have and I mean this from the bottom of my heart.

I hope from my experience, other relationships can become more successful!!!!

  • Edna

    THIS IS A LONG ONE SORRY!
    I feel the same way. At times I understand his situation I feel inside that we will get back together it’s just that sometimes my fears start to overtake my confidence in his love. We’ve been together for 6 years and a half.(met him when I was 16 and he was 19). Throughout the six years everything has been perfect we hardly ever fight only for stupid things the only major problem was me I would go through phases where I would seclude myself I would get distant from him and feel that maybe it was best if I let him go, but his love proved to me that I could never do that he gave me a happiness and our relationship felt so perfect I would get over it that fear of not loving him enough. Sometimes when I would get mad I would shut him out (I’m not good at communicating my feelings and thoughts) that hurt him it made him feel he was doing something wrong. Especially when it was things that could easily be fixed by talking. This past October my doubts started to come back I started to get distant I started to feel that he deserved better so I stopped kissing him and wanting him the same way for a couple of days. Then I asked for a break, but that didn’t last we got back together, however,I wasn’t feeling him there anymore. He’s always been the one that showed his love at all times I never doubted that his love for me. Then he asked for a break, because he wasn’t sure about his love for me anymore we talked and tried to fix it, but it didn’t work he kept asking for the break I just didn’t want to give in to it. I felt and feel like it’s all my fault all my phases pushed his love over the edge and now he’s confused about us. I know and feel in my heart that his love isn’t gone, but I’m scared that this distance and no contact is ripping us apart. I know he’s the one for me we had way more happy times in our relationship than down times. I know that if I let him have this break it will help solve our situation, but it hurts sometimes to not talk to him we were such good people together we were friends and lovers through everything I always tried to let him do his stuff at his own pace. We’ve been talking about our wedding and our future since we had 2 years together and my life is set with him which is why my fears of this not working out for the best get to me and I fall into an emotional state where I NEED to contact him to find out if everything is working out fine. I don’t know what else to do. Do you think he’ll give me a second chance to be a better person to him?

    [Reply]

  • George Ewumbua

    OMG!! This is certainly a shocking and a genuine Testimony..I visited a forum here on the internet on the 20TH OF JUNE 2014, And i saw a marvelous testimony of this powerful and great spell caster called PRIEST AZIBA on the forum..I never believed it, because i never heard nor learnt anything about magic before.. Not a soul would have been able to influence me about magical spells, not until PRIEST AZIBA did it for me and restored my marriage of 8 years back to me and brought my spouse back to me in the same 24 hours just as i read on the internet..i was truly astonished and shocked when my husband knelt down begging for forgiveness and for me to accept him back.. I am really short of expressions, and i don’t know how much to convey my appreciation to you PRIEST AZIBA you are a God sent to me and my entire family.. And now i am a joyful woman once again.. here is his website: http://priestazibasolutioncenter.webs.com Email: priestazibasolutioncenter@gmail.com. along with his mobile number+2348100368288….. Mrs Chris Windy from Los Angeles

    [Reply]

  • Katherina

    I want to appreciate Dr.Kasee of ONIMALOVESPELL@GMAIL.COM for bringing back my husband who left me and the kids for almost 2 years. i never taught i would never get him back untill i saw a comment online about dr. Kasee and i contacted him, after following all instruction given to me by Dr.Kasee, my husband came back begging for forgiveness within the space of 48hours. Thanks doctor your spell is really great. For those of you who have marriage/relationship problem should contacct him for hel via onimalovespell@gmail.com . And experience it your self.

    [Reply]

  • Mike Olivia

    This is my testimony about the good work of a man who helped me..My name is Olivia Jane Mike, and I base in London.My life is back!!! After 8 years of marriage, my husband left me and left me with our three kids. I felt like my life was about to end,and was falling apart. Thanks to a spell caster called papa Justus who i met online. On one faithful day, as I was browsing through the internet, I was searching for a good spell caster that can solve my problems. I came across series of testimonies about this particular spell caster. Some people testified that he brought their Ex lover back, some testified that he restores womb, some testified that he can cast a spell to stop divorce and so on. There was one particular testimony I saw, it was about a woman called grace,she testified about how papa Justus brought back her Ex lover in less than 72 hours and at the end of her testimony she drop papa Justus e-mail address. After reading all these,I decided to give papa a try. I contacted him via email and explained my problem to him. In just 3 days, my husband came back to me. We solved our issues, and we are even happier than before. papa Justus is really a talented and gifted man and i will not to stop publishing him because he is a wonderful man…If you have a problem and you are looking for a real and genuine spell caster to solve that problem for you. Try the great papa Justus today, he might be the answer to your problem. Here’s his contact:
    drabeljustus@gmail.com Thank you great Justus. Contact him for the following:

    (1)If you want your ex back.
    (2) if you always have bad dreams.
    (3)You want to be promoted in your office.
    (4)You want women/men to run after you.
    (5)If you want a child.
    (6)[You want to be rich.
    (7)You want to tie your husband/wife to be yours forever.
    (8)If you need financial assistance.
    (9)Herbal care
    10)Help bringing people out of prison
    (11)Marriage Spells
    (12)Miracle Spells
    (13)Beauty Spells
    (14)PROPHECY CHARM
    (15)Attraction Spells
    (16)Evil Eye Spells
    (17)Kissing Spell
    (18)Remove Sickness Spells
    (19)ELECTION WINNING SPELLS
    (20)SUCCESS IN EXAMS SPELLS
    (21) Charm to get who to love you.
    (22)Business spell.
    Contact him today on:
    drabeljustus@gmail.com,
    +2347033354868.
    You can also CONTACT HIM ON whatsApp on the number.

    [Reply]

  • CPT. S

    The real deal was right. I found out three days ago that he has another woman. He has been cheating on me for 1.5 year and he covered it really well. It never occurs in my mind that he would cheat on me and I was shock to find that out and so was his family.

    [Reply]

  • The real deal

    Find another man because he has another woman. He is trying to decide if he should settle. If things don’t work out with the new girl he still has you to fall back on til
    the next woman comes along.

    [Reply]

  • CPT. S

    I have the same question, when is enough is enough. giving him space. I gave him space two times already. This is the third time. It is every 6 months for last 1.5 years. 1st time lasted a day, 2nd time last a week (I did everything this website said), who know how long it will be this time. He want to be able to say he wants to spend the rest of his life with me but his mind is conflicting. He is 43, never married and I am 34. He told me that I cannot do anything more, I have done everything and he will be an idiot and people will say him stupid if he does’t marry me. He said he loves me but that doesn’t translate it marriage. Why?? Why??

    [Reply]

  • N

    Hi, my boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years and 1 month. We’ve already known each other for a year before we started going out. We were on a Long Distance Relationship for 9 months (started on the 4th months – 13th month) due to my study.

    When I came back after graduate, everything was so nice. He came over almost everyday. He took care of me on almost everything. But since I am a Pursuer and he is a Distancer, after few months I still demanded his full attention and affection. He, in the other hand has moved on from our so called “honeymoon phase”.

    Another situation here is that some of my best friends are getting married and he feels pressured. I am not pressuring him to propose to me of course. I told him that we are going to get married when we are ready. But he is doubting himself whether he could make me happy or not. We almost broke up that time, but we didn’t. Although, it built the insecure feeling inside me that he would leave me anytime.

    Since I felt insecure, I started to demand of his attention much more than before. I got angry if he didn’t answer my text, or canceled our date (we usually spend time together every weekend). the amount of texting is reduced, less and less. and I was so tired of the fact that he barely care of how am I doing (or so how I feel). I confronted him and ask what is going on, and he just said that he is tired. But it seemed to me that hanging out with his friends doesn’t make him tired at all.

    So last Saturday, we talked about this situation. He assures me that he still loves me, but he needs time to figure things out. He said that his head is too full and foggy, and he couldn’t think straight. He said that he felt like our relationship didn’t give him positive energy and happiness (I felt that as well, somehow). Instead, it gave him burden and he felt so tired. In the other hand, I felt abandoned and unloved.

    We decided that it is better for us to be on a break for a while, so both of us got a chance to think what is going on in our relationship. We surely still want to be together (well, I know I do), so we want to work things out. It made me so sad and desperate that I do not know what is going on with his life or what is he’s thinking.

    I’m so confused.. :(
    Any thoughts?

    [Reply]

    Edna
    Replied on:

    I feel the same way right now. He’s been hanging out with his friends a lot and I feel like he’s not even trying to figure out how to fix our relationship. I don’t want to tell him this though, because I know it will just push him away from me as he might feel pressured and think me desperate. How did things turn out for you?

    [Reply]

  • Crystal

    what about someone you just met? not a boyfriend with whom you’ve had a “strong relationship”?

    [Reply]

  • ZaneleT

    But now the question how long should one endure a relationship where the partner will keep asking for space and when he comes back its as though he never left you with unanswered questions and expects everything to be hunky dorry? should that be what the partner should live with? i dont think thats fair…its selfish and immature

    [Reply]

  • Francisco Guetti

    An amazing testimony on a spell caster who brought my wife back to me..
    My name is Micheal oilver i live in USA,and I`m happily married to a
    lovely and caring wife,with two kids A very big problem occurred in my
    family seven months ago,between me and my wife so terrible that she took
    the case to court for a divorce she said that she never wanted to stay
    with me again,and that she did not love me anymore So she packed out of
    my house and made me and my children passed through severe pain. I
    tried all my possible means to get her back,after much begging,but all
    to no avail and she confirmed it that she has made her decision,and she
    never wanted to see me again. So on one evening,as i was coming back
    from work,i met an old friend of mine who asked of my wife So i
    explained every thing to her,so she told me that the only way i can get
    my wife back,is to visit a spell caster,because it has really worked for
    her too So i never believed in spell,but i had no other choice,than to
    follow her advice. Then she gave me the email address of the spell
    caster whom she email(drjattosplltemple.com). So the next morning,i sent
    a mail to the address she gave to me,and the spell caster assured me
    that i will get my wife back the next day what an amazing statement!! I
    never believed,so he spoke with me,and told me everything that i need to
    do. Then the next morning, So surprisingly, my wife who did not call me
    for the past seven {5}months,gave me a call to inform me that she was
    coming back. contact Doctor Jatto for help if you need help Via email
    drjattosplltemple@gmail.com

    [Reply]

  • Sylvie

    Last Friday, after a day of silence, my fiancé told me he needed time out to make sure we are doing the right thing. I am just getting ready to pack in order to move in in his flat. We need to slow down he says. we met in work last year and within 4 months, he brought up marriage.. I said yes… Now, a month away from the big move, he needs time out… its the second time he pull out… I gave him the engagement ring back and stormed off… its over… any thoughts?

    [Reply]

  • anjali upadhyay

    Plz hlp…m in d sme situation…my bf needs tym…bt he dnt knw hw much tym he need…I ckl hm agn n agn n nw hez irritated…he saez dat if I keep cllng n cllng he eilll nevr cme bck…he saes dat he loved ne befr bt nw he dont knw abt hez feelingd…he sd dat he is nt interstd in my lyf ryt nw bt I cn be…juzz gv me tym for a month or 2…bt he is not sure hell come back or not…hw was serious wid me…bt suddnly he had family prblm n job problem n nw hez frustrated. ..wht shuld I do…shuld I syp clling until he dont…
    plz help me v live in sam area…whenevr I c him I feel lyk I lost dimoand frm my hrt…plz hlp…m mad behind hm..I cn nevr stp lovinghm…wht shuld I do…

    [Reply]

    Shocked
    Replied on:

    I would leave you with that appalling spelling.

    [Reply]

  • Suki

    this is so true for my situation, yet interesting at the same time… as I am a man being the one who is having to not feel insecure, or worry or take it personally, as it is the woman in my life who is going through this process of needing time to work through things in her mind and in her own way… it is hard and has required some adjusting (and still does) to properly understand how to do this and to respect it. She says it’s not her backing away, just trying to get through some difficult thoughts. As hard as it sometimes feels I just keep thinking: “to me she is worth it…”

    [Reply]

  • idontknowatodo

    Thank you for this, it makes things a bit clear. the only difference is that the way he asked for space, he asked if we can just be friends first. i couldnt do anything but to agree. and i let him know that i’m not going anywhere. i’m giving him time and space to sort things out, its just hard for me. things get better right…

    [Reply]

    Skye95
    Replied on:

    I know this was sent a while ago, but I have just been put in the same situation. I received a text from my boyfriend saying that we should be friends but then he said that we should go on a break. I called him afterwards and I wanted to know why and what were his reasons but he wouldn’t tell me.
    I said I would give him the space he needs but I don’t know what to do

    [Reply]

  • liezl

    Thank so much, Now I understand why my bf is asking for space..And being so panic,and a lot of crazy text I sent to him, he got mad and I feel I push him away from me, We are living together with their family in 6 years and total of 7 years in a relation..I love him so much and I know he loves me to..almost two months after I heard about the space he is asking for, and almost a month I totally understand to understand what he is asking for..From time to time a little changes may happen, I got a care from him sometimes, he ask may location if I’m not around,Although he is asking for space, I always prepared him a breakfast and coffee, at the start he got mad when I did, but eventually he became calm. Although he asking for space, we are always eat breakfast and dinner together.I know that the love and concern is there because if he got home early, he wait for me to eat..
    But now, I have a big question,,, May mother is very concern to our relationship,and now he decided to talk to may boyfriend, to ask question and also to give advice to him,,,Is it OKAY or not,,,Please give a pointers,,,I so much confuse…

    [Reply]

  • Ava

    Thank you so much for this. I’m going through it right now. Here’s the crazy thing: In the beginning, he would be the stereotypical girl where he would want to see me everyday and when I would ask for “space”, for one day, he would be emotional and sensitive. I told him he had to change this. Surprisingly the day came – he became independent. He wasn’t possessive, he understood. I could ask him for space and he was more than okay. Now – my turn. In time, we rubbed off on each other and in ways, I became him. I wanted to see him and talk to him more because over time, I trusted him more, I let my guard down. I loved him more. I was over past relationships but I guess that evil voice in my head, plants ideas in my head and makes it “real” from past experiences. It’s just weird to me that the one who used to act like a little girl, is not maturing and him wanting space freaks me out. I don’t know why. I’m not this crazy girl but I feel like it. I know that’s not me. *sigh* Anyhoo, I thank you so much for sharing this. I hope things will turn out well :)

    [Reply]

    MSteph26
    Replied on:

    It s like I’m the one talking.. He was borderline possessive and now right he s just more than fine with me going out with the girls. It s hurtful because I know he s taking me for granted. He says he loves me and doesn’t want to lose me.. I’m scared cz I couldn’t b as supportive as I should have been. But now we just broke up bcz I couldn’t fight for us alone. I promised myself to set him free bcz I was losing him bcz of how smothering I was(just like in the article) asking questions waiting for actions…
    I want him back but I’m NOT Gona go after him. As much as it hurts I will wait for him to come back to me. If he doesn’t than I was fooled to think he was my greatest love.
    I loved the article. I needed it. I hope girls everywhere would have the strength to wait and to understand.

    [Reply]

    Potter2014
    Replied on:

    So………what happened? As I am in a very similar situation. :(

    [Reply]

  • 3xie

    I had a one year old son and he’s father asked for space..

    We fight I said things that I should not I was angry that time when I found out that he was flirting with different girls. I packed our things and went to my parents house (where we live right now) All day I’m waiting for text, message, phone call and waiting for the time that he will knock our door It did not happened. The message that I received was he needs a SPACE to think.

    I was shocked I did not expect this,. I cried for days I did not know what to do. I did not listen when my parents said that give him time. When I read this blog I realized that they are right.

    Up to know my son and I is still waiting for him I don’t know how long it will take I just hope and pray that everything will fall to there right place

    [Reply]

  • rcny

    i am in this situation as we speak. My bf of 6 years just broke up with me 2 weeks ago. i want us to have a life together, in the state of ny ypu are automatically assumed married after a certain number of years, and he isnt sure he wants to be married. i said we dont have to be married i just want us to be together in a life long commitment. He said he has never felt this way about anyone he has dated and doesnt know if he wants to be married but does want to be with me, doesnt want me to be with anyone else or can imagine his life without me and doesnt want to lose me but feels he needs to take himself out our relationship to get a better understanding. I kept my cool and said okay then, I asked 2 days later for clarification after he said if i had any questions to call him. I said ok we are broken up and you said you dont want me to wait around, in my mind your telling me move on with someone else, is this correct? he said no, he meant he doesnt want me to wait by the phone everyday for his call because he doesnt know when he will figure everything out. I asked okay so what is your goal and what is the purpose of this break up, he said he loves me and knows short term this is going to be difficult but long term wants to be together and feels this will benefit us but is not expecting me to drop another man if someone else comes along. He said, he feels it would be unfair to me to keep me waiting around for him to make a decision. Keep in mind, this man is going to be 40 and his longest relationship was 6 months… plus i know he has been unhappy with his job and wants to move out of his current place and is starting a masters program.

    I allowed him to tell me if it had anything to do with anyone else and to please just be honest with me and he insisted there isnt its not me it is him and he shouldv taken the time to figure things out already. He said he is the one who usually gets broken up w and feels after what he has done, that he is on the recieving end still (dont understand this) He asked how we continue if we still keep in touch and I told him no and he continued to sy well you said yesterday you would call me… i let him know, listen i changed my mind based on the fact that you thought about things and kept me in the dark, and then just broke up with me out of the blue… if you would like to get in touch me thats fine but i really feel uncomfortable reaching out to you right now, plus i think its time for me to figure out what i want now with this information and situation you have handed me and that im going to respect that he needs time and not communicate with him.

    I told him i hope you underdstand that i dont have faith right now in this, i dont believe you are serious about any thinking about anything because now we are broken up and it relieves you of having to. I told him you can do what you want, just as i can but if you are with someone else in this time period, then its a done deal. He said maybe he is being stupid about this…

    I told him i need for him to send me my things back from the house, he wanted to pay for it i told him absolutely not, then he said, well it isnt in my way… i said just please send it back, obviously we are over and there is no need for my things to be there or my mail. I have not received ant contact regarding this since… he still has my stuff and my mail coming to the house.

    on a side note: We have had a great relationship, long distance the majority of the time, i did move to his state because of my own reasons, then he took me in because i needed to leave my apt and he didnt want me to come back home. unfortunately, he never asked me to stay months later when i lost my job and had issues back home happening so i continued to let him know throughout the rest of our relationship im not coming back until i have a commitment from him.

    wondering if he thinks he made a mistake?

    I have been focusing on myself, in fact it took no less than 24 hours for guys to start asking me out… i have picked up painting again (a painting i am doing is for him that i promised prior but im not sure if i should send it) im going back to school, im going on vacation, and i have some things more pressing to focus on now.

    [Reply]

  • Neesy808

    Definitely helped me breathe. I get it. This makes total sense and is so helpful. For a moment there it felt like I got stabbed in the heart, but with your words of wisdom I’ve opened my eyes. It will be okay.

    [Reply]

    Hopefully Waiting
    Replied on:

    How did it work out? I’m curious to know because I’m going through this now. I’d love to hear that he came back. :)

    [Reply]

  • shell

    This is perfect, made me realize exactly what I was doing into pushing him away,this has completely has helped me to see all I was doing wrong and all I had to do was encourage his space and his time to work through some personal things get caught up and to figure things out with my being supportive in every way,from the bottom of my heart I am sorry for not seeing this for what it was and that it was not me. I hope he will forgive me for not relaxing and give us a chance to continue to move forward

    [Reply]

  • CPT.S

    This really helps my soul. I was devastated when my bf said he needed a space to rethink about everything. We have been together for 2.5 yrs and we have been long distance for 2 years. He tried to visit me once a month but because of my busy work schedule, lately he visited me every 6-8 weeks. He said he is tired of flying out to see me and he feels depress on weekends when he is alone and wishes I was there. We never had big fight or argument during the relationship. I love him so much and he told me he loves me, too.

    Anyway when I saw this well written blog by Sharlene, I was happy and hopeful that he would come back to me if he really loves me. I did not text him or call him at all during no-contact. On day # 4 night, he called me to find out how I was doing and to let me know he was thinking about us, He said he looked at our pictures together and thought about how we spent time together when we were not apart. But he still did not have answer whether he wants to move to where I live cause he does not want to leave his parents(he wants to take care of them) and work. So I gave him emotional support and let him know that I miss him and he can take more time to think about our future. I did not set deadline for him. Of course, i wanted to know when he is going to let me know. He already has ticket to see me in two weeks so I asked him if he is coming. He still didn’t know. So I said okay, think about it. I told him i still love him and I want to be happy. He didn’t call me the next day and i didn’t call him or his mom (she told me to call her if i need to talk). On day #6 he called me again and told me that only thing he comes up with is that he can spend more time with me (spend about 2 weeks in a month with me and try to set up an office at my place so that he can work from my place). I didn’t ask him to spend more time with me but he feels that he needs to spend more time with me. He told me that he is afraid to loose me. I told him that I can wait because love is patience and I love him so I will be patient. So we decided to continue our long distance relationship. I hope things work out and I don’t have to deal with this but things change so I am praying for happy ending. I am keeping in mind that long distance relationship is hard and both of us need to be strong. We love each other and I hope our love lasts and hope to overcome obstacles together.

    [Reply]

  • Belladonna

    I really needed to read this. My boyfriend of 4 yrs (off and on) just told me he needs space. I told him I needed it too… For some reason he believes I am more interested in having his baby than in him. He says I talk about babies all the time. I told him I got off the pill because of my blood pressure, but before I could tell him I have an appointment to get alternate birth control he flipped. Funny thing is I have 3 children of my own already and I am over 40… I told him if I wanted to “trap” him I wouldn’t tell him I got off the pill. Men? I don’t get them ***shrug***

    I told him he seems paranoid about having a baby with me. Maybe that’s the real issue here. Because I am we’ll fulfilled in the child bearing department. I have boys and a girl. My youngest is 8! I told him the only reason why at this point I’d have anyone’s baby is because of love. nothing more… Stupid!

    [Reply]

  • DanielleG

    But he is now asking for space as he is over my insecurity and is worried about his kids. I said if he sets up a proper home for them it will all be better with time. But he doesn’t call me or text and is cold when I call. I really felt we were going strong. I just don’t know what to do.

    [Reply]

  • DanielleG

    Please help. My boyfriend of 5 months is a separated man with 3 kids that are 4,6 and 11. His wife and he were very unhappy for several years and his family and friends also told me this. I’ve been insecure lately as he chats to the wife for half an hour each day and he no longer calls me. All his stuff is also still at the matrimonial home as he doesn’t want to upset his children by moving it out.

    [Reply]

  • Blair

    is this work? anyone try it yet?

    [Reply]

    Self
    Replied on:

    Yes it works. He asked for space. I gave it to him. During that time I focused on me. He ame back after a week. We talked. It’s been two months since and our relationship is stronger than ever. We are now talking marriage and babies. Before the space thing he would cringe at the talk of that. It works

    [Reply]

  • Mr.nobody

    Ladies, pls take note:
    “I constantly expected him to think and act like a women”
    “Being pressured to talk does nothing but push them away”
    “Support him; be there when he calls on you for emotional support.”

    [Reply]

  • vaseline

    Funny thing, going through all these comments the outcomes of most of them reaffirm my take the whole issue: when peopl want “space”, it usually means that they want “out”, or they want “strange”. It’s a shame that they lack the courage to voice their true desires, but this is the world we live in- one wherein childhood ends at 29 (for some people it never ends), responsibility is an oppressive word, and a staggering divorce rate keeps creeping up. Marriage is about working together and for them to just suddenly up and want space to work on their problems and clear their head? You’re delusional if you don’t think that’s a death knell for the relationship.

    [Reply]

  • Hopeful

    This is so helpful! I am going through an interesting situation and am not sure how to navigate things. The last time I saw my significant other, we left things very nicely with kisses and “i love you” exchanges, he thanked me for understanding, text me to let me know he was safe going to/from a business trip, and now…radio silence. I’m not sure what the not talking is all about, but can only assume it’s him needing some time to think and sort things out. He’s newly divorced with children and this is the first time he’s really had any sort of “emotional breakdown”. Before this whole “space” thing came up, things were fine, so all I can guess is that he is completely overwhelmed. Help!

    [Reply]

  • Red

    Thank you so much for writing this! I read it almost once a day! Gives me hope and faith that everything will work itself out. My bf of five years asked for space and it has been 4 weeks since we have spoken. I have completely backed off and respect that he needs this time for himself. I took it hard and personal, as any woman would i started thinking negative thoughts but reading this has helped me so much! These past five years have been amazing and I trully believe he is my soulmate

    [Reply]

    Edna
    Replied on:

    Did things work out? Please let me know I’m currently in that situation right now.

    [Reply]

  • Bubbles

    Call me naive but I do not necessarily agree! I appreciate that each persons circumstances are different but in a relationship you should be sorting your problems out together. I have wanted space in my 22 marriage many times as I sure my husband has! However, one has to knuckle down and get through life and it’s many challenges together-communicating all the time. If I or my husband left to have space every time we felt overwhelmed by life’s problems I doubt we would still be together. In my mind if the relationship is working and neither party is being selfish one does not do something to upset the whole apple cart by disappearing of the scene-very selfish act in my book. Relationships need to be strong and steady to survive.

    [Reply]

  • lisa

    you dont understand how much this has helped me out im goin threw this exact situation right now there is a part of me that keeps tellin me he will come back to me and reading this jst gave me the confindence and hope that i needed because it seems no one understands me and wat im goin thru although i no its goin to be hard im goin to take ur advice thanks so much

    [Reply]

  • Joena

    Thnks so much for your post, every word that is wriitten happens to us now. Though it really hurt so much when my husband told me he need space,i tried to convince myself that evrythings fine buts its not… i really dont know what to do and when to start picking up myself. So much love,time, effort was wasted because i love my husband so much. I did evrything just to save our family and our marriage.

    [Reply]

  • Diane Miller

    That is brilliant! I hope it works for me. My partner moved out after 10 years as his business was failing and debts with tax and others were mounting up. We did have a little contact but now he can’t cope with his problems and make sure I’m ok as well. He is trying hard to get out of the hole that he’s in which is pretty big. He told me there’s a list and I’m not top of it but I am on it. I love him so much. It’s been 4 months since he moved out (to protect me and my three kids) and three weeks since we last spoke. It is agony!

    [Reply]

  • love85

    Thanks for this, my husband just told me earlier that he want space, i really felt bad about it. But your mssge help me alot although i’m really afraid because i really love my husband….i still dont know what to do….

    [Reply]

  • Michelle

    Hi thanks for this post.  Im currently going through the whole “I need some space to sort my head out” thing.  After 18 months together, my bf announced last week that he needed some space to “sort his head out” because he cannot think about the future.  Up until this point our relationship has been perfect, we ve never argued about anything and always had a really great time together.  He has a lot of issues from his childhood and a past relationship that ended badly (they got engaged, got a house and had kids together, then she walked out on him with no prior warning).  I have no problem in giving him the space he needs, I know that men do this thing where they need to “go into their cave”.  The problem I do have is that im unsure if this “space” thing is just an excuse to end it.  He says that he likes what we have and does’nt want to give it up.  But i was a bit naughty and got into his facebook account because i needed to know something and found a conversation he’d had on the chat app with one of his female friends, in which she asks how things are going between me and him, and he replies that he decided to end it.  Does he just need some space? or has he ended it and used the space excuse to spare my feelings?  Sooooo confused right now!!!

    [Reply]

    Christina Lampley
    Replied on:

    If he said he ended with you to another female than he ended.

    [Reply]

  • kk

    thank you so much for this page…im so glad that there is someone out there that realize that men have feelings too and just arent out to hurt us and that kinda thing..im going through the whole space thing right now and yeah its not the first time but this time im trying to be more understanding and not badgering….we have to learn to respect that men and women are different and we have to respect that and adapt…just because we want to talk right away about everything doesnt mean they do and we must respect that…question tho do you think that when he does come back shouldnt you talk alittle bit about what happened so u can avoid it in the future….? but be loving not accusing?

    [Reply]

  • Tanny

    I wish i could agree but when my husband asked for space he still wished to have sex and have everything his way like money and children. He wouldnt though pay for the children and let me hit rock bottom money wise. He wanted cake and to eat it. I backed off as i read one of these men need space articles and he ended up having sex with someone else where he was working. He treats me like im the one to blame and believe me i am left scratching my head as my husband was a chef lived away from home two weeks at a time, How much more space does a man need? I told him with a middle finger of course that he can have as much space as he wanted, lost 3 stone and went out often, got a job and now hes interested? well he can fly i am not a toy to be manipulated just because he wanted to do his thing. I am a human with feelings too. I would seriously after this question why a man needs space.

    [Reply]

    Sharlene Le
    Replied on:

    Tanny, I am so sorry to hear about what this man has put you through. I think you are on the right track, moving on with your life, he took you for granted, he didn’t realize what he had until you were gone. I’m sorry but the world doesn’t revolve around him. He was your husband and should have realized that he’s got responsibilities, the fact that he broke the trust you had for him and the fact that he took the one thing a man and wife shares and shared it with someone else gives you all the more reason to move on freely. I was cheated on, and now I’m a single mother, so I know exactly how you feel, you should read my blog on “Divorce, how to close….” or “Healing words for the wounded heart”. Know that you gave him what he wanted, you gave it your all and there was nothing else you could have done. At times he will try and flip the script to leave you believing you were the one to blame, but don’t let this break you down. Now that he sees that you are capable of surviving without him and that you don’t really need him, that’s why he probably wants to come back, some men always want what they can’t have (this applies to women also), its really your decision to take him back or not. I for one, couldn’t reconcile with my ex, because every time I looked at him, I saw him as being tainted, and I realized that he wasn’t the one for me. Now I have a wonderful man in my life that treats me the way a woman should be treated. And soon you will find someone who knows your worth!!!! Again, hang in there, you are on the right path, and I’m proud of you for being such a strong individual!!!

    [Reply]

    Carrie
    Replied on:

    I agree with you how much space does a man need. I work out of town all week and am only home on the weekends. I have been married for 22 years and I will admit it has been a roller coaster ride. I do not blame my husband for all of our problems as I am as much to blame and maybe even more. I did have a cruz-ship affair prior to our marriage and I told him about it but he still wanted to marry me. Almost 25 year later I still hear about this. I also about 7 years ago had a 6 year somehwhat emotional affair with another man and did refuse to give up my friendship with this man even at my husband urging. As stated this was 7 years ago that this took place and I do not keep in contact with him any longer. I sound like a terrible person and to some extent based on the stated I guess maybe I am but I have worked hard for my family/husband and have continually sacraficed the things that mattered to me so that he could be happy and feel complete and through the years great resitment has grown. I have apologized for this and I do feel sorrow over the pain that I caused my husband but this too is constantly thrown in my face. My husband is not innocent as he too has reached out to several other women but his excuse it that I did it first. I do not continue to torment him as I have accepted the fact that he felt justified in his actions. Through all of the years of termoil I have felt that we should get a divorce and I have threatened him many times but in my heart it is not really what I want I have just wanted change from him on the issues that have plaged our relationship. I supported my husband through college and put my aspirations on the back burner for him to complete his. I am now in a place for the past month where my husband has decided that he needs space, is confused, and he has removed his wedding ring. I have told him that I love him, value our life and our marriage and he is my true love. I have suggested marriage counseling and sent sweet emails, etc… but he will not reply or consider doing anything. He tells me that he does not want to give me mixed signals, but I still pack a suitcase every week, leave a house that I pay for, and he sacrafices nothing. I am not sure how long this can go on. Tell me your opinion.

    [Reply]

    Sharlene Le
    Replied on:

    Hi Carrie, thank you for reading, I am so sorry that you are going thru this difficult time with your husband. In my brief opinion, it seems as if you both should spend a little more time together, I know it’s alot easier said than done because life duties can be so demanding, But I’m all for love and relationships, and I will always give it my 110%, so with that being said, I suggest you and your husband spending a weekend away from home. Try and reconnect, talk about random things, try your best to not bring up your relationship issues on your time away, be yourself, try and remember why you both fell in love, bring back the intimacy, let him see you the way he used to see you. Sometimes relationships do grow apart, we all change, we all go through difficult life obstacles, and it can be a real test to relationships, it can either strengthen or weaken it but regardless of the outcome, just prepare yourself for which ever path your marriage may take.

    On another note, I do strongly believe in Karma, and I have to say that it also may seem as if his heart took a serious emotional beating throughout the years that you had an emotional affair with someone else, I hate to say it especially in your situation as we speak, but the tables have turned. Now that you’ve decided to not share your heart with anyone else other than your husband, he’s at that point where he’s probably scared and skeptical if he should pursue your marriage, which is probably why he says he needs space. He stuck by your side through alot, he now needs you to stand by his side and support him. If he decides to discuss divorce with you, you will have to be strong and face the consequences. We all go through major heart aches in our life time and this is probably one of yours….

    Try your best and have a weekend away with just him….remember, don’t discuss anything regarding your marriage, and if he brings it up, suggest that you talk about it when you get home. Also, don’t forget, bring back the intimacy, do something special for him, leave him cute love notes where you know he’ll find it, leave him hints of what he can look forward to on your weekend away…etc….if you show him that this side of you is still alive, then there’s a chance you may awaken his heart towards you again.

    It’s not going to be an easy road ahead and it’s not going to happen over night, but be patient and all will be well!

    [Reply]

    Christina Lampley
    Replied on:

    I don’t blame you.

    [Reply]

  • 9desertrose9

    great article/blog.. you are so right & I wish the same that men knew things would be easier if they opened up a little (well depending on who they are opening up to)

    [Reply]

  • http://N/A Paul

    Or is he not ready to make a committement to the relationship?Or is there another person? Males have a tendency not to express their true feelings or they feel that they cannot express their feelings in a true statement as not to say to offend the other.I am afaid that males were not taught to express their feelings from a young age they fell they must the tough macho male.

    [Reply]

  • developer28

    A nice post again..! Truly describes what a guy means when he says that he needs space.!
    A thing very few women are able to understand..

    [Reply]

  • Aman

    They say, for a flute to be as sweet as it is, it needs to undergo a lot of pain…

    It’s pith needs to be torn out, it needs to be made hollow and drilled with holes..only then it brings out that sweet sound…

    You are that flute..!

    [Reply]

  • http://www.PersonalDevelopmentPro.Net Karlil

    Coming from a guy, what you have written is so true. As long as you don’t show desperation, he will start to miss you sooner or later. Of course that is assuming the relationship has no problem in the first place. Good article sharlene.

    [Reply]

  • liltinybus

    I’ve never had a man tell me he needed space. ;) All jokes aside, well written. Of course this doesn’t describe all men, but generally speaking it’s good advice.

    [Reply]

  • http://blog.self-improvement-saga.com Nea | Self Improvement Saga

    Your writing is so heart felt. I’m wishing a speedy recovery for your broken heart. You’ll find someone who is so overwhelmingly in love with you that the last thing he’ll want is a break. You deserve to be treated like the treasure that you are.

    [Reply]

  • Dorjie

    As usual , very well written. From the perspective of a STRAIGHT male , yes , “I need space ” means just that–not that the woman has done anything wrong ; she should not turn it into a personal thing…You express yourself very well, Sharlene…

    [Reply]

    tik
    Replied on:

    My concern is has anyone who has asked for space has ever come back?

    [Reply]