Let me start by saying, if I knew what I know now, it would have been really helpful about 2 months ago when my boyfriend at the time approached me and said that he needed some space. This was an absolute shock; I went into panic mode and had no idea what to think or how to react. Like any other female, I immediately thought it was me, I started believing that it was something that I did, even though he said it wasn’t me and that he just really needed some space to think things through, I didn’t comprehend how to give the space he needed, this is something I’ve never been asked to do. How do you go from being in love with someone at that very moment then in a heartbeat you have to refrain from contacting him completely?
I was on the wrong path mentally, I reacted incorrectly; I failed to realize that he just needed a little time to sort through his issues before he can focus on giving me the attention that I deserve. I constantly expected him to think and act like a woman normally would in a situation like this by being analytical. He’s going through a difficult time in his life right now, things were great between us, we were actually so compatible in every way and our relationship was absolutely wonderful. I made him happy as much as a person can make another happy, but what he was missing was his inner happiness, he needed to feel happy with himself in order to be fully happy with me. I completely understood this, I’ve been in his shoes before and that’s why I believe I should have been mentally prepared and mature enough to react differently, I should have understood a bit more. I know this now and wish that I knew it then. It really is easier said than done, once a person is in a situation like this, you tend to drift away from the main focus and your mind starts to wonder negatively instead of focusing on the positive facts, which is comprehending that he just needed A LITTLE SPACE.
When a man feels that he needs space and he assures you that he still cares for you deeply, it only means that he’s frustrated and really doesn’t know how to handle it. I’ll try my best to explain….At times his mind will get so foggy that he can’t see or think clearly, in other words, the path he was once on is no longer visible, there may be a ton of issues that’s on his mind including his relationship with you. His way of solving his issues is to first begin with the present, which is his significant other. He will ask for space, (understand that he’s not shutting the door on your relationship, he’s just merely pushing it in a bit with hopes of returning), at this time he will utilize his time alone to prioritize and sort through what’s badgering him, it may take a couple weeks, a month or more…regardless, if you feel that he is someone worth waiting for, then all you need to do is be confident, trust and have patience. Once he’s able to start solving his problems, the fog slowly starts to disappear which now makes the path he was once on VISIBLE again. This is when he will attempt to follow the path back to where he left off in hopes of you still being there. Asking for space is a risk that he is taking, it’s a risk of losing his significant other, but if you both had a strong relationship and you knew that you fulfilled each other in ways that no one else could, then there is a high possibility that his significant other will be waiting for him.
I’m sure that everyone can agree with me when I say that men and women are so different when it comes to our mentalities. Women are more open with their emotions, we are more sensitive, we love to talk things out when there is a problem, cry easily and we tend to need reassurance at times. Men you really can’t be upset at this, it’s just in our nature to be so concerned and believe that every thing can be resolved with our help. Some problems are better solved when left along, but this is something that we are still learning how to master. Men on the other hand are more reserved with their feelings, it’s never up for discussion, being pressured to talk does nothing but push them away and even if they are heart broken, they keep it to themselves. Men cope with emotions differently, men will probably say things to their significant other that may be hurtful, when in reality they don’t intentionally mean to hurt you, they do this in hopes that it will be the end of the conversation at that very moment, deep down they are probably hurting inside just as much as you are, but they just don’t know how to let that feeling out especially when they feel pressured. I truly wish men understood how much better things can be if they would just let us know how they truly feel =)
Things that women should do when their man says that he needs space:
- Be willing to trust in him and respect his wishes
- Show him that you are mature enough to accept this temporary change
- Don’t pressure him to talk too much about it
- Understand that he will discuss it when he’s ready
- Don’t badger him, let him call you if he wants to talk
- Let him miss you; don’t panic, he will start thinking about the good times and will miss you
- Let him be the one to realize on his own how happy he was with you
- Know that he will remember the wonderful person you are; he won’t forget you overnight
- Support him; be there for him when he calls on you for emotional support
- Don’t give up hope, he’ll be back if he truly cherished your relationship
- Be confident that he will find his path back to you
- Always smile if there is any type of communication; smiles can be contagious
- Most important, let him know that you are leaving the door open for him
With this new found knowledge on men, I would have done a lot differently over the past few months. I would have definitely backed off completely and respected his wish of wanting space. I wouldn’t have taken it so personal by assuming it was me, I would have provided more support to him rather than adding more stress to his life by constantly wanting to talk things out. I was so determined to figure out what went wrong, I’ve concluded that this was an obstacles that was out of my control. There wasn’t anything I could have said to change things; all I could have done was give him his space. If I can say one more thing to him, I would tell him that I’m sorry, I’m sorry for not understanding as much as I should have and I mean this from the bottom of my heart.
I hope from my experience, other relationships can become more successful!!!!