You tell me you want to be free
You hit my heart with a rock and sunk it to the bottom of the sea
You can’t fight this evil feeling that took over your soul
You’re so confused and lost in this world
You won’t let me help you find your way
Now, losing you is the price…..I’ll…..pay

You made a mistake
And it caused my heart to break
Your news brought shivers down my spine
As I felt my heart separate by a crooked line
Please forgive me for not understanding
As I was focusing on just standing

You said I don’t deserve you
I said I do
You told me I deserve more than you can offer
I said I’ve already got all I need and I want no other
You feel awful for shattering my heart
I said don’t worry, let’s just see it as a fresh new start

I will forgive you
Because you have been true
With all my power I try, but this I can’t deny
Each and every time we part, I hide my pain with a smile
I try to appear as being fine
But deep within I don’t know how to accept that you’re no longer mine

Thank you for creating memories with me, I do forgive you my love
Always remember what we had and what we could have had
For I will love you and remember you till the end

“I try to say good-bye and I choke
I try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it, it’s clear
My world crumbles when you are not near”

I Love You

With that being said, Death has popped into my mind a few times, instead of trying to avoid the thought, I’m now somehow planning and preparing my life for it….I wonder if I’ll be missed? What will I be remembered for? Have you ever thought about that? When my time comes, I wonder…how will it happen, what’s going to happen to my house, my son, my family, everything and everyone that I leave behind? I hope I’m right when I say this, but I can only anticipate that my friends and family will remember me as:

A Person….

• That always had a smile on her face no matter how much stress, emotional pain or physical pain was being held inside
• Who never held back, always expressed her thoughts and opinions
• Who always provided advice when needed on any subject matter
• Who for some reason always had an answer
• That was not selfish, always a giver
• Who always put others first
• That was just filled with Joy, Laughter, happiness and Lots of LOVE
• That always gave others the benefit of the doubt
• That was trustworthy, loyal and faithful in every way possible
• Who always puts herself in the shoes of others in order to grasp a better understanding of what another is experiencing (enjoys looking at different point of views)
• Who can be spontaneous and at the same time down to earth
• Who is Independent, strong willed, possessed a terrible willpower towards food
• A person who doesn’t have a problem being blunt when necessary
• And the one thing I think I’ll be best remembered for is being such an OPTIMISTIC person

Wow, that was a mouthful…but I truly believe that whomever I leave behind when my time has come, will remember me as the person who had all the characteristics listed above. I want to be loved, I want to feel that I will be missed if I didn’t exist anymore, but then again…On the other hand, I’m not sure if I want my loved ones missing me so much…I say this only because I know what it feels like to miss someone you love, and it’s a very sad awful feeling, and the last thing I want to do is cause anyone sadness. I would much rather have friends and family celebrate my death rather than mourn my death. I would prefer to have music and people being happy (like a party) and just having a good time being in the same area with my body until I disappear for good. I want others to be able to say, she was a wonderful person and I’m so lucky that she was part of my life VERSUS I’m going to miss her so much, I don’t know what I’m going to do, I can’t stop crying, I can’t help but to feel guilty that I didn’t call her when I should have, now it’s too late…and so on! I don’t like negative thoughts so therefore, please do not be a pessimist at my funeral =) I live my life to the fullest, I try my best to make others happy, I treat others the way I want to be treated, so this is why I don’t want sadness when my time comes. I want to know that the tears would be happy tears; I want to know that you will remember all the times I’ve put a smile on your face and made you laugh…

I have some suggestions for each and every one of you…LIVE YOUR LIFE TO THE FULLEST, ALWAYS GIVE YOUR 110%, THIS WAY WHEN YOU LOOK BACK, YOU WON’T HAVE ANY REGRETS BECAUSE YOU KNOW YOU’VE DONE ALL YOU CAN. But if you do have any regrets, understand that the past is the past and no matter what you do or say, you can’t go back, all that you can do is accept it, move on and learn from your mistake to prevent future mistakes; don’t be bitter to each other; don’t hold grudges, it’s pointless to hold onto hate and anger towards someone; when you fall in love, love hard, not everyone is lucky enough to find a true love in this world, so cherish and embrace it as much as you can; don’t hold back your feelings and emotions, share it with the one you love or deeply care for, trust me, there’s always a satisfying feeling when you communicate your thoughts with someone who cares, it’s always great to hear the perspective of another; try putting yourself in the other person’s shoes before you judge; learn to appreciate what you have in your life right now rather than what you had, could have had; surround yourself with positive people, after all, you are who you hang out with; bring laughter into your life as much as you can, I’m the type of person that will laugh out loud by myself if a funny thought popped in my head; don’t care what others think about you, just care about what you think of yourself; show appreciation to others more often, don’t take anyone for granted; take more pictures of yourself with friends and family, pictures never fail, it always brings a smile to the face; remember, tomorrow isn’t promised to any of us, so act today as if tomorrow doesn’t exist; make time for the ones you love and care for, even if it’s 2 mins, any-time is better than no-time; and remember and always remember to keep a smile on your face =)

Life is such a strange thing, one day you’re here and the next day you’re gone. I hope my perspective on life helps you see things from a different point of view, if we all lived like this, the world would be a much better place.

Will you be missed when your time has come?

1. Will you be remembered as an optimist or a pessimist?
2. What about your personality: what will others remember about you if you were to leave us all today?
3. What would you like others to remember about you?
4. Right now at this very moment, if you knew you won’t be with us tomorrow, will you have any regrets about anything in your present life?
5. Who do you think your death will affect the most?

Approximately 3 years ago from today, my marriage came to an end; I am now a divorced single mother of a 4 yr old. Everything happens for a reason and I am happy as ever now than I was then; but it took some time for me to get to this point. I never knew what I was missing until my entire world caved in and I had to build it back up by myself from ground zero.

After my divorce, I slipped into a depression stage, what got me out of that was my son, I noticed that he started to sense and adapt to my depression (at the time he was only 1), that’s when I had to snap out of it, trust me its a lot easier said than done! After a few months went by, I realized that my ex-husband had truly killed my self-esteem, its not all his fault; I am at blame as well for allowing another human being to make me think and feel any less of myself. The following are some things that made me realize how low my self-esteem was:

• I didn’t feel beautiful inside and out
• I didn’t feel sexy at all
• I lost my confidence
• I became very insecure about my body/physical appearance
• I felt the need to seclude myself from social gatherings
• I was afraid of being judged negatively
• I felt that everything I did wasn’t good enough
• I had no friends
• I didn’t know what it felt like to be appreciated
• I didn’t know what it felt like to be complimented
• I didn’t believe that I would be good enough for anyone else
• I felt lonely
• I didn’t know how to accept others in my life
• I hated what I saw in the mirror

After I realized that I was in pretty bad shape emotionally, I gathered my inner strength and decided to get my life back, I didn’t have any friends that I could talk to or even hang out with. So this is what I did….

• I created a MySpace account (I know, lame huh, but it worked)
• I slowly reunited with old friends that I went to High School with
• I started to meet new people, which eventually turned into great online friends
• I noticed that I had people in my life now (not including family)
• I kept myself busy with my friends
• I began to focus on my son and myself
• I started to actually attend social gatherings
• I learned how to accept compliments from others
• I noticed that I began to smile a lot more
• I spent time with myself doing what I wanted to do
• I took a trip out of state and visited a family member
• I went to bed with a smile
• I woke up with a smile
• I began to notice what I had in my life rather than what I didn’t have
• I bought new things that made my son and myself happy
• I started to write anything that came to my mind whether it was happy or sad thoughts
• I learned how to block out the negative thoughts and focus on the positive
• I am today a much more optimistic person than I was then
• I learned how to accept another person wanting to do something nice for me

I know these probably seem like really tedious things to do and you may not believe that this will work because it’s a lot easier said than done, but believe me, this is what worked for me. Everyone is different and I understand if you can’t relate or see my perspective, but if you feel that you do have low-self esteem, my advice is to at least try it, what have you got to lose, right?

When you hear the word gamble, you automatically think of Casinos and Slot Machines, well there are a lot of different ways to gamble other than going to the casino. Every time you purchase a scratch off ticket, a lottery ticket, play bingo, bet on sports, bet on horse racing or even betting on games of skill such as golf or pool, you are gambling.

What is it about gambling that causes people to spend their hard earned money and take chances?

Maybe it arises from:

A family history of addiction
Depression
Anxiety
Personal loss
Stress at home or work
Debt
Anticipation of winning more money
To socialize
For excitement

It’s easy to get caught up in the game, having self-control is a must when gambling. Without self-control, you can easily walk away with nothing in your pockets. There is absolutely nothing wrong with gambling, but you have to know when to stop. It’s a lot easier said than done, because once you’re actually there gambling, you keep telling your self one more time, one more time, with hopes that the next hand is your winning hand, or the next pull on the slot machine is going to be the jackpot, then before you know it, all your money and hopes are gone which may even leave you to feeling depressed or causing your anxiety attacks to return.

My advice is if you feel the need to gamble, you must grasp the mentality of having no expectations, know that what ever amount of money you walk in there with, you may not leave with it. Having no expectations can sometimes work in your favor, this way you may be able to enjoy yourself without the stress of expecting or thinking that you have to win, you may focus more on gambling just for fun and socializing. Doing this may cause you to grasp the concept of the game and you may even play better because the stress and anticipation may not be there.

Be able to accept that you may not win every time and it’s okay to walk away empty handed. Now, if you are in a situation where you can’t afford to walk away with nothing, then you probably shouldn’t be gambling away what little you do have, fight the temptation, have strong will power and find another activity to preoccupy your mind and time.

By: Sharlene Le