Approximately 3 years ago from today, my marriage came to an end; I am now a divorced single mother of a 4 yr old. Everything happens for a reason and I am happy as ever now than I was then; but it took some time for me to get to this point. I never knew what I was missing until my entire world caved in and I had to build it back up by myself from ground zero.

After my divorce, I slipped into a depression stage, what got me out of that was my son, I noticed that he started to sense and adapt to my depression (at the time he was only 1), that’s when I had to snap out of it, trust me its a lot easier said than done! After a few months went by, I realized that my ex-husband had truly killed my self-esteem, its not all his fault; I am at blame as well for allowing another human being to make me think and feel any less of myself. The following are some things that made me realize how low my self-esteem was:

• I didn’t feel beautiful inside and out
• I didn’t feel sexy at all
• I lost my confidence
• I became very insecure about my body/physical appearance
• I felt the need to seclude myself from social gatherings
• I was afraid of being judged negatively
• I felt that everything I did wasn’t good enough
• I had no friends
• I didn’t know what it felt like to be appreciated
• I didn’t know what it felt like to be complimented
• I didn’t believe that I would be good enough for anyone else
• I felt lonely
• I didn’t know how to accept others in my life
• I hated what I saw in the mirror

After I realized that I was in pretty bad shape emotionally, I gathered my inner strength and decided to get my life back, I didn’t have any friends that I could talk to or even hang out with. So this is what I did….

• I created a MySpace account (I know, lame huh, but it worked)
• I slowly reunited with old friends that I went to High School with
• I started to meet new people, which eventually turned into great online friends
• I noticed that I had people in my life now (not including family)
• I kept myself busy with my friends
• I began to focus on my son and myself
• I started to actually attend social gatherings
• I learned how to accept compliments from others
• I noticed that I began to smile a lot more
• I spent time with myself doing what I wanted to do
• I took a trip out of state and visited a family member
• I went to bed with a smile
• I woke up with a smile
• I began to notice what I had in my life rather than what I didn’t have
• I bought new things that made my son and myself happy
• I started to write anything that came to my mind whether it was happy or sad thoughts
• I learned how to block out the negative thoughts and focus on the positive
• I am today a much more optimistic person than I was then
• I learned how to accept another person wanting to do something nice for me

I know these probably seem like really tedious things to do and you may not believe that this will work because it’s a lot easier said than done, but believe me, this is what worked for me. Everyone is different and I understand if you can’t relate or see my perspective, but if you feel that you do have low-self esteem, my advice is to at least try it, what have you got to lose, right?

If there are any questions that you may have and would like an opinion or advice on, please don’t hesitate to ask and I’ll add it to the list above =)

Have you ever had the feeling that you fell off the path you were once on because of another? If this has happened to you, understand that it’s not your fault and this does happen unintentionally to many people, hence the saying “Love is Blind”….

You’ve allowed this person into every part of your life, it was something that just happened, at that time you had no control over your emotions, you went with the flow and it turned into love <3 that immediately resulted in a break-up. You felt nothing but confusion, anger, betrayal, cheated on, lied to, you felt like the dirt he/she walked on, you felt as if you didn’t matter, all that moments you shared in past didn’t matter, your world came to a halt, you started to feel resentment and hatred started to surface. Now at the time, you couldn’t control the way you felt, all of these emotions most likely don’t apply to this person’s character, but the responses and interactions you’ve had since the breakup is what brought these feelings out. These are all feelings that you try your best not reveal towards others because honestly you know the truth, and the truth is that you’re allowing your anger to take control.

Not only were you pushed off your path but also your entire personality may have started to change. I would suggest grabbing a notepad and begin to list of all your emotions. At times, writing is a great therapy to heal the mind, heart and soul. Sometimes you’re so overwhelmed mentally, writing it all down helps you clear some mental space. Reading what you have written at times will also help you realize what you may be doing wrong and shed some light on your path. At times, we all face difficult relationship obstacles, these are some emotions that you may have experienced or felt internally at the time:

• Assurance was given that he/she wanted a relationship
• He/she swept you off your feet
• You allowed him/her into every part of my life
• You gave your 100% trust
• You invested time
• He/she has turned into a cold-hearted person that you no longer know
• You felt that emotional connection then and still feel it now
• He/she wasn’t honest and upfront about emotions 100% of the time
• At times you felt as if you were taken for granted
• You start feeling resentment towards him/her
• He/she says you have every quality that a person looks for
• You fell for someone that has the heart to treat another human being this way
• You become indecisive about everything
• You’re broken-hearted
• He/she has feelings for you but chose to ignore it
• You’ve been fighting for something that was never yours
• You cried for someone that you don’t even know anymore
• You put yourself through this for someone that doesn’t deserve your tears
• You blame yourself for everything that went wrong…when in reality it takes 2

Emotionally this person has made you so angry inside that you had to seclude yourself from the world, don’t get me wrong, friends are there whenever you need an ear or a shoulder, but at times, you just weren’t ready to be socializing and meeting new friends. Build up that strength, go out with your friends, dance, socialize and have a good time. At the end of the night, you may find yourself thinking less and less of the person that broke your heart in the first place. Sometimes being with friends is the best therapy, but you have to be emotionally ready to drag yourself into the eyes of the public. There are other fishes in the sea and some of them deserve your love, attention, all that you have to give and the joy that you can bring into their life. On another note, you deserve someone that will accept you just the way you are, enjoy your company, respect your feelings towards trust, loyalty and honestly.

I’m a firm believer of Karma; I treat others the way I want to be treated. I usually give everyone the benefit of the doubt and maybe that’s my flaw…the fact that I trust in others a lot….I trust that they won’t hurt me, I trust that whatever they say to me is true and I never for a split second believe that they would ever deceive.

Things aren’t always the way it seems, people change, sometimes they change for the better and sometimes they change for the worse, but everyone is in control of their choices. I have made the choice to get back on that right path, forgive him for all that he put me through, forgive myself for all that I’ve put myself through and move on with my life. In short, no man is worth a woman’s tears…

I have always and will forever love this song:
Alicia Keys “A Woman’s Worth”

“If you treat me fairly, I’ll give you my goods…Treat you like a real woman should. Baby, I know you’re worth it. If you never play me, promise not to bluff. I’ll hold you down when it gets rough cause baby, I know you’re worth it”

“She rolls the mile; makes you smile, all the while being true; Don’t take for granted the passions that she has for you; you will lose, if you choose, to refuse to put her first; She will if she can find a man who knows her worth!”

1. Confidence

The female body is one thing that turns a man on, it really doesn’t matter the size or shape, as long as a woman is comfortable with her body, it shows. The way a woman dresses, the way she carries her self can show how secure and confident she is with her physical appearance.

2. Independency

A man is very attracted to a woman that is independent, someone who doesn’t need a man but just simply wants a man. A woman that can pay her bills, take care of her kid(s), if any, hold down a decent job, able to focus on herself, focus on her priorities in life and still manage to have time for her man. Men love women that can make their own decisions, it really is a turn off when a woman does or says certain things that cater to what she believes he would prefer rather than what she preferred. Men prefer a woman that is in control of her own mind, it’s what makes her attractive and stand out from the rest, a woman that can make her own decisions and doesn’t need to depend on a man to decide for her.

3. Nurturing

Men love to be nurtured by their significant other! It makes them feel secure; most men believe it or not, are insecure. In this world that we live in, it is socially unacceptable for a man to cry out for nurturing support and emotional encouragement, where as a woman receives it at any given time when she needs it. When a man does ask for this type of nurturing, it is considered to be “Unmanly”, and for this reason is why most men will not ask for this attention publicly but rather from an established relationship in a more private setting. It’s much easier for a man to feel secure when his significant other can provide the much needed nurturing. The fact that a woman can nurture her man when needed is a major plus in his book.

4. Honesty & Loyalty

Honesty and loyalty is something that is difficult to find in any man or woman, so my advice is when you do find this in someone, hold on to it as long as you can. Nothing brings a man closer to a woman than her honesty and loyalty. These two qualities build TRUST, and without trust you have nothing. Men are drawn to women that can be honest in every aspect of their life, someone that can be honest to herself and to her significant other. A loyal woman is a woman that knows what she wants and knows what she has when she has it and won’t do anything to jeopardize losing it. Honest and loyal women treat their men with the utmost respect and appreciation for who they really are, these are women that are worth holding on to, these are the type of women that men are attracted to and these qualities are what turns a man on even more.

5. Personality

Every man loves a woman with a personality, what turns them on is a woman that can hold down a conversation, have a sense of humor, isn’t uptight about everything. Men are attracted to women that can keep the laughter going, can be introduce to his friends and family and fit right in, gets along with others. Men love a woman that can show her personality through her smile, is spontaneous, is an easy going down to earth type of woman, can adapt to any given situation and can be different or unique from the others instead of trying to be like the others. I could keep going, but you get the point, these are just some of the basics that make up the type of personality that I believe men are attracted to.

6. Inner Strength

Inner strength is something that not every woman can maintain. At times we do tend to drop the ball and show our weaknesses, but note to self, men do not like to see a weak woman. Men appreciate a good woman that can display inner strength in everything that she does, whether it’s her job, raising her child or children, school, taking care of her family or even being the strength in a relationship (but to a certain extent, you don’t want to cross the line between having strength and being controlling towards your man). When a man notices a woman with inner strength, he also notices her confidence, part of her personality and her independency, which, as listed above is a turn on to men that’s in a comfortable mature state of mind.

7. Sex

Sex is very important, anyone can have sex, but to really turn a man on you have to know what you’re doing. It really doesn’t take a lot to please a man in the bedroom, but as easy as that sounds you do need to know how to actually perform those simple tasks. Men love it when a woman can keep it interesting, there is just so much more tools available for women to spice things up. Men do like women that can actually participate in this action, they dislike the feeling of having sex/making love to a corpse; You have to be willing to try different positions, be as active as he is, if you are not sure what he likes, then ask him, it’s better to ask than to assume =) Touching each other ever so gently, running your hands through his hair, on his back, his chest, kissing him anywhere and everywhere, your intimate whispers, moans…etc…these are all things that can get a man going in a split second. Another thing that just drives men crazy is “dressing up”…there is nothing sexier than a woman in lingerie, it will drive him insane, heighten the adrenaline and will make him want you in the most sensual pleasurable way. I believe that foreplay is such an important part of sex, its displays the affection that you both have for each other, its just the concept of pleasing each other and knowing what the other likes and actually acting upon it. I could go into more details but I feel that what I’ve expressed here are the basics on what turns men on in the bedroom.

So there you have it, these are the seven things that can turn a man on, granted there might be lots more, but again, this is from a general perspective, comment if you’d like to share your thoughts and or even suggest additional things that may turn a man on <3

How can one define what a friendship really is? It’s very easy to call someone a friend, but is that person really a friend or a foe? Understand that my expression within this blog is strictly my opinion based on my personal experience, some may agree and some may not.

I am very particular when it comes to choosing friends; I have been betrayed, cheated on, taken advantage of and have been emotionally left alone a countless amount of times by others that I once claimed as my “FRIEND”.

Friendship is something I feel that everyone should learn how to cherish. A friend to me is someone who will always be there in my time of need, whether I just need to talk, vent, cry, ask an opinion, fetch constructive criticism, or even if I just need to be in his or her presence. I personally live each day by the old saying “do on to others as you would like done onto you”, with that being said, I give others my utmost respect which is exactly the way I would like to be treated. There has been an innumerable amount of occasions where I’ve had to literally put my life on a brief pause to be there for a friend(s), (which I absolutely did not mind, if you know me, you know that I will always help whenever and where ever I can), but the ridiculous part is when that time came for the favor to be returned, there wasn’t anyone available to put their life on a brief pause for me.  What does that tell you? Obviously the people I called my friend(s) were not as friendly as I anticipated. My resolution was simple, I’ve consciously made the decision to consider certain people that were once my friend(s) as just an acquaintance(s). I know it’s pretty sad to say that, but I would still like to have them in my life, I’ve just come to realize that I may have cherished “friendship” more than they have.

So now, I tend to carry the weight of most of my worries myself; I guess after being hurt so many times, you learn how to be your own best friend. Everything happens for a reason, all we can do is accept it and move on, it’s absolutely worthless to let emotions take over, nothing can ever be solved when negative emotions are running the show, sometimes its best to be analytical of every situation, this way the pros and cons will shine towards a more controlled resolution.

I know this may be so cliché but my true best friend has always been my mother; she did maintain her motherly role but never did cross the line to where I couldn’t trust her. My mother has always been there for me. She raised me to become the person I am today, a lot of my mental insights arise from her, she always told me the pros and cons of all situations I have ever presented to her, she never did tell me what to do, she made sure I knew the benefits and consequences of each scenario, she then took a step back and allowed me make my own decisions. Granted I didn’t always make the right decision, but she was always there to hold my hand and me through the difficult obstacles I conjured at times. The most important thing was that in her eyes, I can see that she never thought any less of me, I never felt judged by her, and that is honestly the best feeling in the world!

Other traits of a True Friend:

True friends are people you can tell anything and everything to and feel the security that it will not be repeated and no judgment will ever be placed on your character

True friends can agree to disagree

True friends can have civil arguments, reconcile and move on with no harsh grudges or crushed emotions that will follow into the future

True friends guide each other through minor and major life obstacles

By: Sharlene Le