She said something to me that made the light bulb light up bright as ever. In regards to her 2nd marriage, she said “I really hate him, I wish I never have let him into my heart. I have tried breaking up with him in the beginning, But he wouldn’t give up”.

After hearing this, it made me realize that the issue isn’t her ex, the issue is herself. In the past, it seems that every time she let someone into her heart, they left. So that resulted in having commitment issues. She’s afraid to love and let someone else love her for what she’s really worth. She watched her mother go through the same thing, which makes her feel that this is probably how her life is supposed to be. She’s basically afraid of losing loved ones. It seems as if she subconsciously tries to detach by breaking up before she can get hurt again, she distances herself which leads to some attention from her significant other, then there may be a disagreement or an argument with her significant other, she breaks up, she runs away from the problem rather than try to solve it, she leaves because she’s afraid that she may get left behind, she’s afraid that she’ll get a broken heart….so she tries to stay ahead of the “game” and impulse act rather than being secure, mature and in control of her emotions. She’s missing a lot that life has to offer by continuously running away!

She adapts and tries to dig deeper internally trying to find a way out, but she doesn’t realize that the only way out is for her to:

• Let go of the past and learn to take risks and chances
• Forgive herself and forgive her past, only then can she begin to move on
• Accept that even if she failed in the past, it doesn’t mean that she will fail again
• Understand that life is all about learning from our past experiences in hopes of making the present and future experience a happier one
• Stop jeopardizing each new relationship because of her fear of getting hurt or being left alone with a broken heart
• Accept the fails just as much as she can accept the success in other things
• Accept that mistakes and failures will happen, it’s the only way we can learn how to become a better person
• Understand that Life is short and wasting time on the past is taking away time from the present and future
• Understand that God doesn’t give a person more than they can handle
• Know that she is not the only person in this world to experience a difficult obstacle like this
• Appreciate the fact that she was lucky enough to have found love (most people spend their entire life searching for love)
• Become more of an optimist rather than a pessimist (stop looking at what once was, and start looking at what could be)

Now I am quite aware that most of you that is experiencing a similar situation will read this and may say “it’s easier said than done”, but I must let you know that It’s Only As Hard As You Make It And It Will Always Be As Easy As You Allow It To Be!!!

Hold on to what makes you happy, but let go of what makes you hurt!!!

Most Important Note

First and foremost, you have to know that regardless of your shape, size or color, you are as sexy and beautiful as you feel. It all starts from deep within, if you maintain the mentality that you are beautiful and sexy, it shows, others will see and recognize your self confidence, and nothing turns a man on more than a confident woman. Do not give a second thought to others thinking negatively of you, if they do, then that only implies that they have personal issues with their own self confidence, don’t let it bother you, after all, your confidence starts deep within yourself!

Step 1

If you’re dating, invite him over for dinner; If you’re living together or married, give him notification that you’ve planned a special evening for him at home, this way he’ll definitely make himself available on that particular night. Before he arrives, be sure that you’ve decided on what will be served for dinner, either you can cook his favorite meal or place an order to go from his favorite restaurant. After you’ve planned out dinner, you may want to freshen yourself up, shower and apply your sexy fragrances (All the more better if you have edible lotions that you can apply near certain areas on your body); wear your sexiest lingerie, it can be actual lingerie or nothing at all, but regardless, be sure you’ve got the stilettos near by. It may be a great idea to even wear a lacy apron over your lingerie, this way as you serve him dinner, you will be partially covered up, leaving his imagination to run wild.

Step 2

Now timing is everything, a few minutes before he arrives, throw on a robe, this way everything will be hidden until the right moment. As he walks in the door, greet him with a hug and a sensual kiss that leaves him wanting more. Grab his hand and guide him to the bedroom, whisper in his ear that you’ve got a great evening planned that’s just going to blow his mind, let him know that you’ve got just a few more things to prepare, and by the time he’s out of the shower washing his stressful day away, your romantic night can begin. As he is in the shower, bring the dinner out, set the table, light the candles, get rid of your robe, dim the lights, pour the wine, be sure the romantic music is softly playing in the background and put on your stilettos!

Step 3

Now he’s a bit more relaxed and the suspense of what is planned for him is circling is mind. He comes to the dining room to see a wonderful romantic dinner waiting for him, he sits down across from you and just stares with the sweetest most pleased smile, you raise your glass of wine and you cheer to a wonderful evening with love. I bet he won’t be able to take his eyes off you, at this point he can’t even imagine what’s coming next, continuously look at him with your flirty eyes and glossy plump lips. Start a conversation with him unless he starts one first. Reminisce on all the romantic dates you both had, the special things you did for each other, the first time you seduced him, your fantasies, etc….you get the point….these topics may just lighten the mood (as well as the wine). =)

Step 4

At this point, dinner is complete and you’re now ready to migrate to another room of your choice; while holding his hands, sit him down; ask him to get a bit more comfortable, remove his shirt slowly and tastefully, gently start rubbing your hands across his body; have him close his eyes (or you can use blindfolds), and ask him to just relax. Grab your massage oil and and pour a little on your palm; slowly begin to massage his shoulders and his neck, take your fingernails and gently stroke the back of his head (this gets the blood circulation going and he’s definitely going to feel the tingles); massage his back, move your way down to his pants, massage his inner and outer thighs (tease him a little if you know what I mean), keep moving further down to his legs, then to his feet, really massage him until his entire body is so teased with the touch of your fingers, he uncovers his eyes, pulls you closely, kisses you in such an erotic manner that it makes you weak in the knees. Now it’s time to take over control….

Step 5

Have him sit in a chair, grab his attention with your eyes, tease him with your body (stand in front of him and emphasize your feminine figure); slowly and seductively begin to dance in slow circles around him all while your hands are touching him gently; as he just tries to grab you, restrict him; pull back seductively, look him in his eyes and nod “no, no, no”; let him know that your body is off limits at the moment and that you are In Control; this will make him want you even more. Men/Women tend to want what they can’t have, so creating the illusion of “you can look but can’t touch” makes him want what he can’t have. After you’ve danced around him a couple times in slow circles, dance with the floor in front of him showing off your best assets; show him your angles, your sexy moves, slowly crawling towards him on all fours, kiss him from his legs all the way up to his lips, at this point you should straddle him, kiss his neck all while you’re slowly and seductively rubbing on him (use your imagination). After he’s as awake as can be, grab the handcuffs or the ribbon or what ever you may have; tie his hands behind his back; be sure he’s comfortable, we don’t want to cut the circulation off in his wrists =) Slowly begin to undress yourself in-front of him and in your most sexy walk, position yourself directly in front of him, lean forward while only slightly bending one knee, give him a kiss that he’ll never forget!

Step 6

At this point….You’ve made him hot and steamy and wanting more more more, I can only guide you to utilizing your imagination from this point on. Continue to be gentle and teasing; guide him, take control, not only do you do onto him, but you let him do onto you, then eventually he will definitely portray the manly behavior, he’ll untie his hands, step up and take full control of your entire body and your every position. From this point all you can do is succumb to his actions!

Happy Love Making!!!

We all tend to always pay attention and look at the things that our men don’t do rather than looking at the things that they do for us. When you sit back and really analyze it, you would realize that your man does all the things that actually does and is supposed to make you happy, you may not be happy because you obviously take him for granted. Here are a few questions to ask yourself, its simple but a ot of women tend to overlook the non relationship things that our men do for us….

• Who is the one person you would call if you needed help?
• Who is the one person you feel safe with when he hugs you?
• Who will give you his jacket when you’re cold?
• Who is the one person that will make sure you are comfortable where ever you go?
• Who will fix anything that is broken in your home?
• Who tries his best to make sure you are happy at all times?
• Who will defend you if someone tries to hurt you?

Fake-Sters
Women are guilty just as much as men are when it comes to being someone you’re not in the beginning of a relationship. We as women will do the things that we think will impress him, we want him to love us, we want him to know that he made the right choice by being with us. Now after we realize that he’s actually in love with us, some women will tend to let this fade and slowly we find ourselves being guilty of not performing the wonderful things we did in the beginning. My advice to women, no matter what happens, please maintain that special place in your heart to continue to please your man. Don’t let the days go by with you doing less and less. He will love you no matter what as long as you maintain the same personality that he fell in love with. Granted we will have our moments, but that’s when our men will need to understand the moods we experience at random moments and just provide comfort.

The Little Things That Counts The Most
Women, you have no idea how much the little things count the most. Some things as little as being sexually active with your man at random moments, surprising him by dressing up in your sexy lingerie, cooking dinner, giving him a massage after a long day of work, leaving him special messages, texting him good morning and sending him lovey dovey messages, etc. Not only that, the little things that our men does for us should not go unnoticed; All the random foot massages they give us, the way they talk to us, the attention they give us when we need it, the fact that they will put their friends on hold just to spend a little quality time with us, the way he looks at you in your eyes, the way he listens to you when you’re having a breakdown, they support he gives, the way he holds your hand when you’re together, the way he cuddles with you at night; don’t let these simple things go unnoticed! Men show their love in a completely different way than women do, and we as human beings need to understand that and adjust our mentalities to find that so close to perfect median.

If He Doesn’t, That Doesn’t Mean That You Shouldn’t
If he doesn’t do something special for you exactly when you need it, that doesn’t mean that you should hold it against him and not do something special for him. Some men just aren’t very good with hints, so don’t play games with each other, be open and communicate on each others likes and dislikes. The same rule applies as my previous blog….if your man doesn’t hold your hand while you’re together, then don’t get angry, there is nothing wrong with you taking the initiative and holding his hand, after all, you can’t expect a man to be a mind reader. Don’t let the little things get in your way of pursuing what could be a wonderful long term healthy relationship. If he isn’t doing something you expected, don’t assume that he doesn’t care or doesn’t love you, he just may not even be aware of your current needs, most men aren’t. They’ll get the big picture but you have to help them get there, its a walk for both parties to engage in.

If We Do Then He Will
It doesn’t matter how much we do for our man, they are not the type of creatures to show acknowledgment every day like we do and we can’t expect it, it’s just they way they were built. Women, do understand that men also take mental notes, they are quite aware of how great we are, they are aware of all the sacrifices we make for them, they are aware of all the wonderful things we do for them, and deep down inside, we are aware that they see us for who we really are, but the thing that we fail to remember….is that they will sporadically show their appreciation versus showing it daily. This is a mistake we all make, we need to not tell our men what to do and how to react, we need to just have the mindset to be the wonderful person he knows with no expectations and just let him act on his own. It will pay off in the end as long as we don’t apply pressure to the relationship. Men tend to run away as far as they can once the sense pressure!

Understand that Men are very different from Women, we can’t expect them to treat us the exact way we treat them when it comes to Love and Attention, don’t ever forget that they are very sporadic in this department!!!

Men of all ages, men that are old enough to be in a relationship, please read on….You must and always must remember that you shouldn’t ever take your girlfriend or wife for granted; after all she is the first one that will always be there for you in your desperate time of need. A woman’s heart is such a precious thing, it’s so easy to gain and just as easy to lose. Know that if your girlfriend or wife approaches you with what she feels isn’t working in your relationship, please see this as her cry to help you both, don’t see it as if she’s attacking you with all the negative things, relationships are all trial by error and you have to work at it to keep it healthy, strong and alive.

• Who will be willing to support you if you needed help?
• Who is the one person that will stroke your manly ego when you need it the most?
• Who will be there to support you during your stressful moments?
• Who’s the first person that would massage you when you’re in pain?
• Who will be there to bring you medicine and soup when you’re sick
• Who will do anything you request just because she knows it will make you happy?
• Who will always want to make love to you at any given time?
• When you’re down and out, who will be there to help you get back on your feet?
• When you have your angry moments, who is the one person that will stand there and let you vent at her, then will always be there to give you a hug afterward?
• Who is the one person that will always stand by your side?

The Fake-sters
Women at one time or another have been with someone that’s fake….So we meet a guy, and he’s absolutely the best person to you ever; in your eyes he’s Mr. Right; he’s the hottest guy to you; he does all the right things and says all the right things that just sweeps you off your feet. The personality he shows you is flawless, shortly after that, his true colors come out, and you’re left standing there wondering what happened to the man I fell in love with, well now you have a choice, do you accept this person for who he really is, or do you hold on to the man he used to be in the beginning in hopes that he will soon sweep you off your feet again? This is such a difficult decision!

Men, we understand that you will want to flatter us, but you have to understand that what ever you do in the beginning of a relationship is pretty much what we would automatically expect to get if we pursue a long term relationship with you. So please, maintain it, continuously make us feel pretty and sexy like you did in the beginning, you don’t need you to spend hundreds of dollars on us, but a single rose, or a card or a sweet note on a post it would make us smile from ear to ear and would also make this warm feeling from our heart rush throughout our body until we’re weak in the knees. And think about it, to make us smile and feel this happiness only cost you a few minutes of your time! It’s really not a lot to ask for! We understand that people change, and we must learn to adjust to each others changing ways, but don’t ever forget that we are delicate flowers inside and out, and you must provide your rays of sunshine upon us.

The Little Things That Mean The Most
We can’t stress this enough, but to women, the little things that you do is what means the absolute most to us. Please don’t stop giving us morning hugs and kisses, if you can’t see us every morning, then don’t stop sending us the sweet good morning text messages or morning phone calls. And same goes for night time, there’s nothing better than having the man you love call you or hold you and tell you he loves you right before you go to bed. Men, please take the initiative and to this for that special woman in your life. We are all strong, independent and confident women, we don’t need a man in our lives but we do choose to want one, and do know that we can be happy by ourselves, but its just something that escalates the happiness to a different level when a man showers us with his love and attention. Somehow it tends to give us motivation to do more for the relationship! Don’t forget to hold our hand, you may not realize it but we actually want this, chemistry sparks with the touch from our man, whether it’s on the sofa watching a movie, in public or anywhere you can think of, once you make that effort to touch us we immediately feel that internal chemistry.

Your Actions Speak Louder Than Words
Whether you know it or not, women always have their antennas up, we always notice your actions, and I hate to say it, but we tend to take mental notes and most likely will discuss it with you at a later time. We are only humans and when you analyze it, it really doesn’t take a lot to make us happy. Please…

• Take out the trash if you see it, don’t wait for us to ask for your help
• Clean up after yourself
• Voluntarily wash our car, and maybe even get our oil changes done
• Lift the heavy things for us, don’t make us struggle with it
• Be there for us emotionally, lend us your ear, listen and understand
• Don’t try to solve our problems, we just want to talk, we go to our girlfriends if we need an issue to be resolved, we come to you for just compassion and comfort
• Don’t flirt with other girls, it’s disrespectful to us
• If there is something that you do is really bothering us, please try your best to fix it
• Make us feel safe and secure, always let us know that you will be there
• Don’t make us feel like we’re just your friend or buddy, you must do or say things that lets us know we are spoken for by you, after all, we claim you all the time when other men approach us
• Let us know that we are the only ones you have eyes for

If You Do Then We Do
One of the most important things is that men don’t realize that once you start taking us for granted and we notice that, we tend to lose that chemistry we once felt for you, we begin to build that wall around our heart, our personality begins to change slowly, trust, security and communication becomes an issue, all because we have the feeling that you are no longer interested in us or you may soon break our heart or that you just don’t want to make an effort because maybe we are not worth it anymore. These feelings can be all false, but it’s just what our heart feels because we noticed that you just don’t make an effort to do the things you used to do for us. In order for a woman to perform her duties as a girlfriend or a wife, you as the Man must do the things that it takes to keep a smile on our face. If you continue to flatter us, it will always want to make us do more for you, we will most likely do the things you love the most. Its a win win, if you take care of us…

• You’ll get alone time to watch the game with your male friends without us interrupting
• We’ll want to show our appreciation in the bedroom and maybe even try new things =)
• Our sexual appetite will increase
• We’ll want to cook more of your favorite foods
• We’ll make a stronger effort to keep you happy all because we’re aware that you love us so much and that you are willing to do all the little things that make us smile =)
• We won’t have the need to discuss our relationship (I’m aware, this is a good thing for men)
• We will give you massages after your long day of work
• We will want to spend quality time with you doing more of what you prefer
• Assuring us that you will always be there for us, will allow us to give you the space you need, in other words, we won’t feel the need to smother you
• As long as you continue to show us attention or letting us know that you’ve put us on a pedal-stool with your actions, we won’t have any complaints, because we will have the feeling of security
• Listen to us when we’re in a bad mood, understand that women experience a lot more emotional roller coasters than men do, we go through a lot more internally than you can imagine, just hold us during moments like this (trust me it works)
• If you haven’t heard from us, don’t assume that you’re not on our mind, call or reach out to us, it lets us know that we’re on your mind

If You Don’t Then We Don’t
If you don’t take initiative to do the little things that mean the most to us such as making us feel sexy, beautiful, keeping a smile on our face, taking us on a date, letting us know that we are the only woman on your mind, then this is where the relationship may start to fall apart. The most a woman can do is once she notices this, she’ll bring it to your attention, so pretty much she puts the ball in your court and it’s all up to you which path your takes. A woman can only take so much, and we all know what we want and like. Now we don’t expect you to do this every single day forever but we do expect it more than you think. So in other words, if you don’t don’t maintain these gestures, then it really slows down our actions towards you…

• We tend to put up a wall around our heart and slowly build resentment
• We lose the need to communicate with you
• We won’t have motivation to make you happy, if we see that you’re not trying and it’s a continuous effort on our part, we tend to get tired and lose motivation
• We need to feel that chemistry when making love, and if you don’t keep a smile on our face and heart, then we won’t feel the need to perform 100% behind closed doors
• We lose the motivation to do random things with you like surprise you with gifts, or special meals, etc.
• We won’t be willing to spice up our sex life with you if we feel that is the only connection we have with you
• If you don’t listen to us when we’re in a sad or upset mood, then we slowly stop talking to you, and now you’ve caused your girlfriend or wife to turn to others for comfort, when in reality, we should feel comfortable to talk to to the one person we love the most

Men, all I ask is that you try your best and comprehend women a bit deeper than usual. Don’t ever forget that we are Strong Independent Confident Women and we can carry our own weight in every way possible, but there are moments when we want to feel loved and cared for by a man, we want to feel like your Queen, your one and only, we just love to be loved! We don’t want to feel like your buddy, we have enough buddies in our lives, we treat you how we want to be treated, So please PAY ATTENTION AND GIVE ATTENTION WHERE IT’S NEEDED TO YOUR ONE AND ONLY GIRLFRIEND OR YOUR WIFE, this can save your relationship, it can flip it to the positive and you both can work towards a happy healthy relationship together.

It isn’t ever too late to change things for the better, learn from past experiences and love like you’re in love for the first time ever!!!

It can be anything at all, from A-Z, from wishing for a new pencil to wishing for a new career, wishes for relationships to marriages, it can be negative or positive…etc. Don’t be afraid or shy to share, you can respond as an anonymous wisher if you’d like =)

• What do you want that you don’t have?
• What goals or accomplishments are you wishing you can achieve?
• Who do you want to come back into your life?
• Do you wish for your favorite sports team to win?
• Do you wish for others, what and who do you wish for?

You tell me you want to be free
You hit my heart with a rock and sunk it to the bottom of the sea
You can’t fight this evil feeling that took over your soul
You’re so confused and lost in this world
You won’t let me help you find your way
Now, losing you is the price…..I’ll…..pay

You made a mistake
And it caused my heart to break
Your news brought shivers down my spine
As I felt my heart separate by a crooked line
Please forgive me for not understanding
As I was focusing on just standing

You said I don’t deserve you
I said I do
You told me I deserve more than you can offer
I said I’ve already got all I need and I want no other
You feel awful for shattering my heart
I said don’t worry, let’s just see it as a fresh new start

I will forgive you
Because you have been true
With all my power I try, but this I can’t deny
Each and every time we part, I hide my pain with a smile
I try to appear as being fine
But deep within I don’t know how to accept that you’re no longer mine

Thank you for creating memories with me, I do forgive you my love
Always remember what we had and what we could have had
For I will love you and remember you till the end

“I try to say good-bye and I choke
I try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it, it’s clear
My world crumbles when you are not near”

I Love You

1. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.
2. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.
3. Don’t believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.
4. When you say, ‘I love you’, mean it.
5. When you say, ‘I’m sorry’, look the person in the eye.
6. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.
7. Believe in love at first sight.
8. Never laugh at anyone’s dream. People who don’t have dreams don’t have much.
9. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it’s the only way to live life completely.
10. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.
11. Don’t judge people by their relatives.
12. Talk slowly but think quickly.
13. When someone asks you a question you don’t want to answer, smile and ask, “Why do you want to know?”.
14. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
15. Say ‘bless you’ when you hear someone sneeze.
16. When you lose, don’t lose the lesson!
17. Remember the three R’s: Respect for self; Respect for others; and Responsibility for all your actions.
18. Don’t let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
19. When you realize you’ve made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
20. Smile when picking up the phone.. The caller will hear it in your voice.
21. Spend some time alone.

Respect

Having mutual respect in a relationship is a very easy task to master if the mutual trust is evident. Respect each other in every way possible when it comes to space; It doesn’t matter how long a couple has been together, giving each other space is the key to maintaining a healthy relationship; Without space, the feeling of invasion surfaces, which CAN eventually lead to stress. And when I suggest “space”, I don’t mean days or weeks, it just may be a few hours of doing something by your self or with your friends, or just time alone away from your partner; You don’t have to do everything together just because you are a couple, you can be in a relationship and still be independent to a certain extent.

Respect each other:

• Verbally - choose your words wisely, I don’t care what anyone says, my opinion is that words do HURT when it comes for someone you love and care for!
• Emotionally – show consideration of the feelings and emotions of your partner, be happy together, be supportive of each other, laugh together, cry together, disagree with each other or even agree to disagree; It doesn’t matter what the situation may be, all that matters is the way it is handled, hopefully you’re a big enough person to handle any situation in a mature manner.

Love

If you’re in love, congratulations on finding someone that has stolen your heart. There aren’t very many people out there that can say the same thing. Keeping the love alive is part of having a happy healthy relationship; Love will always need an effort to be made from both partners. It is just as easy to fall out of love, as it is to fall in love.

• Remind each other often why you fell in love
• Show how much you appreciate your lover by saying it or acting upon it
• Do things that help keep the chemistry alive
• Be intimate with each other, doing this at random moments is always a great way to feel that excitement and change your normal routine
• Greet each other each morning, and say “sweet dreams” at night
• Kiss each other as you part each day, and kiss each other when you reunite
• Do not go to bed mad at each other, life is too short to hold grudges!

Guidelines to a Happy Healthy Relationship (1 of 2)

Communication

Communication is a major factor in a healthy relationship. Be able to laugh with each other, smile for no reason and at times, even cry with each other. Make each other comfortable to the point where you’re able to discuss anything and everything with each other in confidence. Communication has saved a lot of relationships; being able to discuss your emotions, worries, stress-related issues, work, life issues…etc…with the one person that you know will always be there in your time of need, is an indescribable feeling.

Honesty

Being honest with each other is one factor that plays a positive role in a successful relationship. It’s a foundation for mutual trust, openness and understanding. It is difficult to be in a relationship with a person that withholds information that’s critical to that relationship. This may occur because of the forces that keep you from telling the truth because you fear what the other person may think or how they would feel, well if you let your fear control you, this may cause the trust your significant other has in you to weaken. If you are honest with yourself and in your relationship, it is definitely a trait that will strengthen your relationship. Always, Always Be Honest! Its great for the soul.

Mutual Trust

Mutual trust is something that is easy to give each other in the beginning of a relationship. It can also be easy to keep, but as soon as you make the decision to not be honest in your relationship, that’s when the trust starts to dissolve and any relationship can head for a dead end in a heartbeat. It is very hard to trust completely in someone, but when you do, it brings joy, comfort and warmth to your heart. The easiest way that I can suggest in keeping trust alive in your relationship is to constantly remind yourself that you are treating your significant other the way you want to be treated. If there is ever a moment where you feel that you can’t trust your significant other, this is when you open the lines of communication and be honest with each other, it can make or break your relationship.

Give/Receive/Compromise/Forgive

Learn how to give, receive, compromise and forgive. These are really not as difficult as you may think. Give whenever or wherever you see an opportunity; learn how to receive, if someone wants to give you something or do something special for you, learn how to say thank you and accept it; knowing how to compromise with each other is a trait that will only benefit your relationship increasing its strength; sometimes its easier said than done, but being able to forgive someone is the best thing you can do for that person at that particular time. Knowing how to communicate, trusting and being honest with each other will make forgiving each other easier to do. It’s not worth it to hold grudges, life is too short to go to bed mad at each other, don’t spend your time being angry over tedious things, it’s simply not worth it when you can be spending time laughing and creating great memories…Just forgive and move on…become a stronger couple and stronger individuals.

Guidelines to a Happy Healthy Relationship (2 of 2)

Approximately 3 years ago from today, my marriage came to an end; I am now a divorced single mother of a 4 yr old. Everything happens for a reason and I am happy as ever now than I was then; but it took some time for me to get to this point. I never knew what I was missing until my entire world caved in and I had to build it back up by myself from ground zero.

After my divorce, I slipped into a depression stage, what got me out of that was my son, I noticed that he started to sense and adapt to my depression (at the time he was only 1), that’s when I had to snap out of it, trust me its a lot easier said than done! After a few months went by, I realized that my ex-husband had truly killed my self-esteem, its not all his fault; I am at blame as well for allowing another human being to make me think and feel any less of myself. The following are some things that made me realize how low my self-esteem was:

• I didn’t feel beautiful inside and out
• I didn’t feel sexy at all
• I lost my confidence
• I became very insecure about my body/physical appearance
• I felt the need to seclude myself from social gatherings
• I was afraid of being judged negatively
• I felt that everything I did wasn’t good enough
• I had no friends
• I didn’t know what it felt like to be appreciated
• I didn’t know what it felt like to be complimented
• I didn’t believe that I would be good enough for anyone else
• I felt lonely
• I didn’t know how to accept others in my life
• I hated what I saw in the mirror

After I realized that I was in pretty bad shape emotionally, I gathered my inner strength and decided to get my life back, I didn’t have any friends that I could talk to or even hang out with. So this is what I did….

• I created a MySpace account (I know, lame huh, but it worked)
• I slowly reunited with old friends that I went to High School with
• I started to meet new people, which eventually turned into great online friends
• I noticed that I had people in my life now (not including family)
• I kept myself busy with my friends
• I began to focus on my son and myself
• I started to actually attend social gatherings
• I learned how to accept compliments from others
• I noticed that I began to smile a lot more
• I spent time with myself doing what I wanted to do
• I took a trip out of state and visited a family member
• I went to bed with a smile
• I woke up with a smile
• I began to notice what I had in my life rather than what I didn’t have
• I bought new things that made my son and myself happy
• I started to write anything that came to my mind whether it was happy or sad thoughts
• I learned how to block out the negative thoughts and focus on the positive
• I am today a much more optimistic person than I was then
• I learned how to accept another person wanting to do something nice for me

I know these probably seem like really tedious things to do and you may not believe that this will work because it’s a lot easier said than done, but believe me, this is what worked for me. Everyone is different and I understand if you can’t relate or see my perspective, but if you feel that you do have low-self esteem, my advice is to at least try it, what have you got to lose, right?