My Treasured Moments

Note To Men: Don’t Take Her For Granted

| 29 Comments

Dear Men,

Men of all ages, men that are old enough to be in a relationship, please read on….You must and always must remember that you shouldn’t ever take your girlfriend or wife for granted; after all she is the first one that will always be there for you in your desperate time of need. A woman’s heart is such a precious thing, it’s so easy to gain and just as easy to lose. Know that if your girlfriend or wife approaches you with what she feels isn’t working in your relationship, please see this as her cry to help you both, don’t see it as if she’s attacking you with all the negative things, relationships are all trial by error and you have to work at it to keep it healthy, strong and alive.

  • Who will be willing to support you if you needed help?
  • Who is the one person that will stroke your manly ego when you need it the most?
  • Who will be there to support you during your stressful moments?
  • Who’s the first person that would massage you when you’re in pain?
  • Who will be there to bring you medicine and soup when you’re sick
  • Who will do anything you request just because she knows it will make you happy?
  • Who will always want to make love to you at any given time?
  • When you’re down and out, who will be there to help you get back on your feet?
  • When you have your angry moments, who is the one person that will stand there and let you vent at her, then will always be there to give you a hug afterward?
  • Who is the one person that will always stand by your side?

The Fake-sters
Women at one time or another have been with someone that’s fake….So we meet a guy, and he’s absolutely the best person to you ever; in your eyes he’s Mr. Right; he’s the hottest guy to you; he does all the right things and says all the right things that just sweeps you off your feet. The personality he shows you is flawless, shortly after that, his true colors come out, and you’re left standing there wondering what happened to the man I fell in love with, well now you have a choice, do you accept this person for who he really is, or do you hold on to the man he used to be in the beginning in hopes that he will soon sweep you off your feet again? This is such a difficult decision!

Men, we understand that you will want to flatter us, but you have to understand that what ever you do in the beginning of a relationship is pretty much what we would automatically expect to get if we pursue a long term relationship with you. So please, maintain it, continuously make us feel pretty and sexy like you did in the beginning, you don’t need you to spend hundreds of dollars on us, but a single rose, or a card or a sweet note on a post it would make us smile from ear to ear and would also make this warm feeling from our heart rush throughout our body until we’re weak in the knees. And think about it, to make us smile and feel this happiness only cost you a few minutes of your time! It’s really not a lot to ask for! We understand that people change, and we must learn to adjust to each others changing ways, but don’t ever forget that we are delicate flowers inside and out, and you must provide your rays of sunshine upon us.

The Little Things That Mean The Most
We can’t stress this enough, but to women, the little things that you do is what means the absolute most to us. Please don’t stop giving us morning hugs and kisses, if you can’t see us every morning, then don’t stop sending us the sweet good morning text messages or morning phone calls. And same goes for night time, there’s nothing better than having the man you love call you or hold you and tell you he loves you right before you go to bed. Men, please take the initiative and to this for that special woman in your life. We are all strong, independent and confident women, we don’t need a man in our lives but we do choose to want one, and do know that we can be happy by ourselves, but its just something that escalates the happiness to a different level when a man showers us with his love and attention. Somehow it tends to give us motivation to do more for the relationship! Don’t forget to hold our hand, you may not realize it but we actually want this, chemistry sparks with the touch from our man, whether it’s on the sofa watching a movie, in public or anywhere you can think of, once you make that effort to touch us we immediately feel that internal chemistry.

Your Actions Speak Louder Than Words
Whether you know it or not, women always have their antennas up, we always notice your actions, and I hate to say it, but we tend to take mental notes and most likely will discuss it with you at a later time. We are only humans and when you analyze it, it really doesn’t take a lot to make us happy. Please…

  • Take out the trash if you see it, don’t wait for us to ask for your help
  • Clean up after yourself
  • Voluntarily wash our car, and maybe even get our oil changes done
  • Lift the heavy things for us, don’t make us struggle with it
  • Be there for us emotionally, lend us your ear, listen and understand
  • Don’t try to solve our problems, we just want to talk, we go to our girlfriends if we need an issue to be resolved, we come to you for just compassion and comfort
  • Don’t flirt with other girls, it’s disrespectful to us
  • If there is something that you do is really bothering us, please try your best to fix it
  • Make us feel safe and secure, always let us know that you will be there
  • Don’t make us feel like we’re just your friend or buddy, you must do or say things that lets us know we are spoken for by you, after all, we claim you all the time when other men approach us
  • Let us know that we are the only ones you have eyes for

If You Do Then We Do
One of the most important things is that men don’t realize that once you start taking us for granted and we notice that, we tend to lose that chemistry we once felt for you, we begin to build that wall around our heart, our personality begins to change slowly, trust, security and communication becomes an issue, all because we have the feeling that you are no longer interested in us or you may soon break our heart or that you just don’t want to make an effort because maybe we are not worth it anymore. These feelings can be all false, but it’s just what our heart feels because we noticed that you just don’t make an effort to do the things you used to do for us. In order for a woman to perform her duties as a girlfriend or a wife, you as the Man must do the things that it takes to keep a smile on our face. If you continue to flatter us, it will always want to make us do more for you, we will most likely do the things you love the most. Its a win win, if you take care of us…

  • You’ll get alone time to watch the game with your male friends without us interrupting
  • We’ll want to show our appreciation in the bedroom and maybe even try new things =)
  • Our sexual appetite will increase
  • We’ll want to cook more of your favorite foods
  • We’ll make a stronger effort to keep you happy all because we’re aware that you love us so much and that you are willing to do all the little things that make us smile =)
  • We won’t have the need to discuss our relationship (I’m aware, this is a good thing for men)
  • We will give you massages after your long day of work
  • We will want to spend quality time with you doing more of what you prefer
  • Assuring us that you will always be there for us, will allow us to give you the space you need, in other words, we won’t feel the need to smother you
  • As long as you continue to show us attention or letting us know that you’ve put us on a pedal-stool with your actions, we won’t have any complaints, because we will have the feeling of security
  • Listen to us when we’re in a bad mood, understand that women experience a lot more emotional roller coasters than men do, we go through a lot more internally than you can imagine, just hold us during moments like this (trust me it works)
  • If you haven’t heard from us, don’t assume that you’re not on our mind, call or reach out to us, it lets us know that we’re on your mind

If You Don’t Then We Don’t
If you don’t take initiative to do the little things that mean the most to us such as making us feel sexy, beautiful, keeping a smile on our face, taking us on a date, letting us know that we are the only woman on your mind, then this is where the relationship may start to fall apart. The most a woman can do is once she notices this, she’ll bring it to your attention, so pretty much she puts the ball in your court and it’s all up to you which path your takes. A woman can only take so much, and we all know what we want and like. Now we don’t expect you to do this every single day forever but we do expect it more than you think. So in other words, if you don’t don’t maintain these gestures, then it really slows down our actions towards you…

  • We tend to put up a wall around our heart and slowly build resentment
  • We lose the need to communicate with you
  • We won’t have motivation to make you happy, if we see that you’re not trying and it’s a continuous effort on our part, we tend to get tired and lose motivation
  • We need to feel that chemistry when making love, and if you don’t keep a smile on our face and heart, then we won’t feel the need to perform 100% behind closed doors
  • We lose the motivation to do random things with you like surprise you with gifts, or special meals, etc.
  • We won’t be willing to spice up our sex life with you if we feel that is the only connection we have with you
  • If you don’t listen to us when we’re in a sad or upset mood, then we slowly stop talking to you, and now you’ve caused your girlfriend or wife to turn to others for comfort, when in reality, we should feel comfortable to talk to to the one person we love the most

Men, all I ask is that you try your best and comprehend women a bit deeper than usual. Don’t ever forget that we are Strong Independent Confident Women and we can carry our own weight in every way possible, but there are moments when we want to feel loved and cared for by a man, we want to feel like your Queen, your one and only, we just love to be loved! We don’t want to feel like your buddy, we have enough buddies in our lives, we treat you how we want to be treated, So please PAY ATTENTION AND GIVE ATTENTION WHERE IT’S NEEDED TO YOUR ONE AND ONLY GIRLFRIEND OR YOUR WIFE, this can save your relationship, it can flip it to the positive and you both can work towards a happy healthy relationship together.

It isn’t ever too late to change things for the better, learn from past experiences and love like you’re in love for the first time ever!!!

  • menhavefeelingstoo

    I researched pedal stool after sons girlfreind dumps him after convincing him to buy flight to greece she invited him to do , leving him with a flight and nowhere to go, she is Greek; as far as I know he did all of the above, as far as I am concerned it is all from her perspective, men have feelings too you know. Too much details is not appropriate here, believe me; I think she wanted freinds with benefits, he wanted freinds with benefits but has fallen in love with her. Judging by her reaction after one slip up at a party, which was just a misreading of situation on her part, nothing inappropriate, just freind talking to him about how beautiful she looked and he agreeing; made her feel like a trophy. WHAT!!

    [Reply]

  • Kelly Newman

    OMG, what has just been written is so so true! How do we let them see this without looking like we’re trying to be a princess!! My marriage ended for this reason and I hope to god, my new relationship does;t end for the same…but, I’m seeing it.

    [Reply]

  • notfeelingsodesiredanymore

    It’s not about insecurity in that we as women need this reassurance. It is about that we met someone, fell in love with them, built a life with them, had children together & still throughout the years & good times and whatever bad times, hurt feelings and whatever garbage life threw our way, we still loved our husband with everything in us. Crave an intimacy that can only be found with your husband. A connection. We want you to look at us in the eyes with a sincerity when you say “I love you”. We want you to look at us like we are still the love of your life, like the most beautiful woman in the room. …the way you did at one time. We want you to realize that all the little things we do, from taking the time to look nice, pretty, take care of our children, buy you that shirt when we are out shopping just because we know you’ll like it & not because there is any special occasion…all of those things….it’s because we still adore you deepy with a love that cannot be eexplained in a mere 3 little words. We want to know you see us as a woman, that you desire us and are willing to show us that more often than once in a while. We want to be held, we want you to look us in the eye while you make love to us and tell us you love us, that you desire us that there is no other feeling as good as being with us intimately. Because when your own spouse stops doing those things, stops making their wife feel like a woman who is desirable, it will leave a feeling of insecurity, of lonliness, of worthlessness as a woman. It will leave us susceptible to the attentions and affections of other men. It will eventually push the otherwise loyal & faithful wife to an affair with someone who is willing to see her and show her she is a desirable woman & not just a good mother or wife who takes good care of the family. It will lead the woman to close off her heart from being hurt because when she tried to approach you about it and you basically took as her just trying to start a fight or being to sensitive & “taking everything personnally” when in all reality she was basically begging you to look at her as more than just a wife & mother to your children, but to look at her as a woman who is desirable. When she stops “begging” & gives up the fight, chances are that one loyal & faithful woman is looking then for someone else who will look at her that way without having to beg or fight for it.

    [Reply]

    reallyscaredofwhereweareheaded
    Replied on:

    I couldn’t have said it better myself. The one thing desired more than everything else, more than doing the dishes, more than helping with the yard and all that stuff is to feel like I am still the light of his life. He is mine, despite all the shortcomings that make us human, he still can make an entire room disappear when he walks into it and I know once upon a time I could do the same. I could make him forget to do simple things like forget to close the hood of a car just because I walked towards him. What I wouldn’t give to feel that way again. I wish I knew how to get it back. He says he has never been thoughtful or sensitive like that. I know he isn’t generally that kind of guy. But one thing is for certain, I know he felt like that once and he delighted my world because of it. Not sure what happened that’s all.

    [Reply]

  • TheVoice

    This article is exactly whats wrong with relationships today. People, men or women, EXPECT others to make them FEEL a certain way. NOBODY makes you feel a certain way about yourself. That comes from within. I call that insecurity and insecurity will nosedive any relationship. People want strong, confident, independent partners who can stand on there own two feet, with or without you. This is absolutely not that at all. This sounds like someone who is one small step up from a child. Expecting to be “chased” for ever? That’s not realistic and sets people up for disappointment. Relationships evolve, they may start as a chase, on both ends, but then kids become involved and bills, and responsibilities etc etc. and you must be flexible and make the changes. It stops becoming all about you and then becomes about the kids and the life you create together. That life may not always be pretty and you may have to take a back seat for a time. It happens, expect it, its a sign of MATURITY to be able to accept it and roll with it. Things have a way of working out if you are patient, which I know our society isn’t any longer. Another issue. Also, when you have children in the picture you must sacrifice for them, not be selfish and expect. That also sends the wrong message to the children that this world is all about taking and looking to take or receive and not give. Many of these comments are also hilarious, trying to validate infidelity, really? In my opinion, unless you are being physically, mentally or sexually abused then this shouldn’t ever be excused in any way. Infidelity is serious business and treated as such. Not just “I felt I wasn’t being given time and now I cheat”. Laughable. The bottom line in all this, men or women, seek out the positives of the other person in the relationship. Maybe there great cooks, or mothers, or providers or whatever and build off the strengths of that person. Not everything will be a strength, nobodies perfect. THAT is what relationships are made of and how they survive. This article is an entire focus on “me-first” mentality, irrational thought of thinking “perfect” prince charming is out there and the negatives of another. THAT is NOT what relationships are made of.

    [Reply]

    wakeupcall
    Replied on:

    Bull shit. When you come out of your man cave you will realize this has nothing to do with attention seeking but good old fashioned respect and healthy socialization. sure some of the advice is a bit emotional but these are the needs of a woman and a man.

    [Reply]

    menhavefeelingstoo
    Replied on:

    thankyou for righting this, was thinking this myself; not that what is in the article is not to be considered and done appropriately, but it is an all in one direction pedal stool approach, in this case for the women in the relationship, in that respect it is a load of tosh

    [Reply]

  • BabyBling

    Hope he reads this.

    [Reply]

  • Sha’ianne Lawas

    Wow this really is an eye-opener. I almost lost my relationship with my girlfriend because somehow I took her for granted. Honestly, she frequently joked on complaining about me not noticing minutes details of her life. For me, I thought it was enough that we were already together. But damn, I really messed up big time. Just recently she got into this job and slowly, I sense her co-worker’s making pretty fishy stuff towards her. And I notice she’s getting harder and harder to reach. Well at first she was starting to cheat but then came the biggest realization of my entire life. It was all because of me. In a positive note though I still have time to correct everything. We has a chance to talk and yes she told me what up and I admitted to my faults. I guess all I need now is a lot of patience to push to greener pastures for both of us. Thank God she really loves and she stretched the bar a bit further for me to redeem myself.

    Now im’ma do this how it should be done – flowers, letters, cards, gifts, care, tenderness, concern, and positive reinforcement.

    By the way, I’m 21 and am from the Phillippines.

    [Reply]

    Chloe
    Replied on:

    It makes me happy to see that you had actually realized what was causing it, and actually want to do something about it. I’m so happy to see this because it means you still really care. I am sad, on the other hand, since I wish my guy would do this. He realizes that he hurts me. He apologizes, and says he’ll change, and yet, when it happens again, he pulls the “you just don’t understand me!!” card on me, or gets upset that I’m sad, and tells me to not cry in front of him ’cause it gets annoying.

    Most people either don’t realize it, or are too stubborn to see it, or worse, realize it 100% but refuse to do anything about it. And that hurts.

    I think what really matters is not being perfect, but about messing up and REALIZING it and doing something about it.

    So mad props to you! I sincerely pray that your relationship with her flourishes. After all, with a person like yourself willing to make everything work and continue to love her right, it should be just fine :) Good luck!

    [Reply]

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1055163267 Axle Nicholàs Patron-Foley

    Happy 2013, but it’s not all smiles and confetti over here. I know this article seems been out for some time now. Even Now still it makes me sad to know he has no idea he is losing me…as his woman and as his best friend. men make themselves difficult especially wen you have a woman who has your back 200%. I asked y dont you chase anymore he replies I already got you. Im like and that suppose to be all. I don’t ask for much but time and the little things wtf seems to be the problem with opening up? It was cool in the beginning and now it’s not? I don’t understand someone plz explain this. Im truly through with it.

    [Reply]

    roonee
    Replied on:

    I’m in the same exact situation, I feel you. Sometimes I feel like I am the only one emotionally involved in this relationship. I don’t demand much and I am always there for him but I hate that I always have to be the one to reach out to him first! When I say he never says I love you first or that I don’t get any compliments, he replies with you know I love you, but i just don’t feel it. I feel like I am being taken for granted and as much as I think of ending it, I still love him. It does hurt that I think that he is completely oblivious that he is losing me :(

    [Reply]

    BabyBling
    Replied on:

    Same goes here. I always give him hints and everything just to get him the idea. You see, before, he was always the “eager” one. But after a year of dating, I started to be his girlfriend and then, boom. The one I’m afraid to feel is that after I became emotionally attached to him, the “eagerness” that he has been doing for the past months will be gone, since he already had me. Before, he even text me even if its 3am in the morning just to say he misses me. I’m afraid to be emotionally committed to someone because when I do, I give my all. And every unappreciated effort I do makes me sad. It’s like, why now? When Im so into making this relationship work? Why make me feel less important now. I dont want to lose him that’s why I always joke about “I miss this, I miss that, because you never do it again” .. But Im just a human, I also get tired. I dont want to put my all in this relationship then I’m the one to be blame when I decide to end this. But thinking that our relationship will end makes me wanna cry :(

    [Reply]

  • J187.

    This is good info!! i need to use this..

    [Reply]

  • Maria

    Loved the article. It goes both ways. You agree & disagree & come to a compromise. Sit down & talk about your indeferences. Long lasting relationship is to communicate, respect, & appreciate one another.

    [Reply]

  • Ohiotnl

    Wow, really?  This makes women out to be incredibly selfish.  Tit for tat:you do this for me I will do that for you.  No wonder men get so frustrated.  You end the article with how strong, independent, confident women are but the whole article talks about men doing things for you ie take out the trash, in a relationship shouldn’t the work load be evenly split?  This one is the best “If there is something that you do is really bothering us, please try your best to fix it”  or “The personality he shows you is flawless, shortly after that, his true
    colors come out,  and your left standing there wondering what happened
    to the man I fell in love with”  Well lets see; the flaws were there YOU just choose to ignore them or thought you could CHANGE  him.  He may act like a raging lunatic but behind closed doors he shows me how sensitive he is and how much he loves me, he will come around cause I can “fix” him.  And lets stop talking about the heart having emotions, aren’t we a little too old and smart for this.  The heart is a muscle it has no emotions, emotions come from your brain. You choice to react to those emotions either with logic or with out logic.   If you have mommy or daddy issues work it out with a trained professional not your best friend from high school who dropped at 16 to get married to the love of her life and is now on her fourth husband. I doubt she has great relationship advise for you or is able to fix your problems.  So i guess my question is which are you Strong Independent Confident Women or selfish immature children that want everything and will use sex as a weapon?  Because you can not be both, this is not a Disney movie prince Charming is not coming to the rescue because that guy is not real. 

    [Reply]

    Curious
    Replied on:

    Ohiotni, who’s selfish? Women? Tit for that? We are selfish because we have audacity to expect MEN TO ACTUALLY GIVE BACK INSTEAD OF TAKING AND TAKING LIKE PARASITES???
    Also, you are the one with mommy and daddy issues if you dismiss emotions like this. Stop projecting.
    Oh and yes, women have a right to want to change a man who acts like a parasite. WANT TO being key words here as it is better to drop a parasite than hope he will magically change into a man.

    [Reply]

  • Sam Sweet

    I felt hat I fall into the category of a man who took her woman for granted, I may have had a small insignificant reason for it, but that’s it, it was insignificant to her feelings…and I should have known it, I should know better as a man, and I made a mistake, I could lose her, the one true thing good in my life…and she is carrying my child…going through all that pain…for me…and I am blind to see it..I may not have looked at her first instead of myself…and when you hurt someone…it leaves an emotional scar deeper than a physical one…I hope I can do my best to heal that wound..I don’t want to lose what we had and have…it is too important, I’ve definatly learned this lesson..she won’t speak to me today and i don’t blame her…now that I think about it I wouldn’t speak to me either…I was wrong…I will do anything to keep this relationship together, I love her more than anything…and it’s weird the true nature of it only comes when I am about to lose her..funny how that is…you only truly know what you have when your about to lose it all.

    [Reply]

  • Sonia

    love it :) thanks!

    [Reply]

    Sharlene Le
    Replied on:

    Thanks Sonia =)

    [Reply]

  • Marktran80

    I stopped doing little things for her and took my exgirlfriend for granted. I really wish I came to this article sooner. Is it too late to save or salvage our relationship? It’s been 4 weeks since the break up and she said I can try anything but her heart is “closed”. Is it too late to fix this?

    [Reply]

    curious
    Replied on:

    What men don’t realize is that while they are busy disrespecting their girlfriend and taking her for granted, she is slowly inching closer and closet towards the breaking point, the point from which there is no return. This exact thing happened to my ex husband and me. Once I hit that point, there was no talking, begging, fighting, crying that was going to make me go back to him. -The love, was gone, -he killed it.

    [Reply]

  • Bianca

    I LOVE THIS ! <3

    [Reply]

    Sharlene Le
    Replied on:

    Thank You Bianca =)

    [Reply]

  • http://mytreasuredmoment.com/ Sharlene Le

    Thank you so much for reading and commenting my article, I really appreciate it!
    @Nea, good luck on your upcoming article, and thanks for sharing my article. I <3 the support we have for each other!

    [Reply]

  • http://jbwebdev.com/blog JONxBLAZE

    “making mental notes”

    [Reply]

  • Jeff King

    Very well written , and actually , somewhat enlightening :) )) Thanks , Sharlene

    [Reply]

  • http://blog.self-improvement-saga.com/ Nea | Self Improvement Saga

    This is a really great article, Sharlene. Men and women are such amazingly different creatures that it sometimes seems impossible to understand each other. I’ve found that trying to explain even the simplest of my feelings to my guy is frustrating beyond belief. However, I think you did a great job explaining how women want to be treated & what’s in it for the guys.

    I took a survey recently for an article that I’m writing on RelationshipSaga.com. It’s called Why Women Cheat. I talked to a lot of women about exactly what could push them to step outside of a relationship. If men would simply listen to the advice you’ve given above, pretty much ALL of them could have faithful, generous, loving women who never even consider infidelity.

    Great job Sharlene! I’ll definitely share this.

    [Reply]

  • http://mytreasuredmoment.com/ Sharlene Le

    All, Just FYI, I will post another blog on Women that Take Men for Granted! This is a 2-way street and I do see both sides of it =)

    [Reply]