No one said divorce would be an easy obstacle, I lost my house, marriage and job all within a couple months, I thought my world was over, my life was vanishing, there was no moving on. Having that mentality is what caused me to slip into a depression stage, but surprisingly, somehow I managed to bounce back into the real world and I’ve never been happier.

I’d like to share with you how I recovered; this all started when I looked into my son’s eyes and saw how he felt my pain (he was ~18 months at the time, currently 4 yrs old). I’ve compiled a list (in random order), containing some tips on recovering from a divorce based on my personal experience.

Please read with an open mind and hopefully this will help someone see the light through this major difficult life obstacle they may be experiencing:

1. Accept your DIVORCE, don’t live in DENIAL (this is the 1st step to recovery)
2. Set your priorities and goals for your future (gives you something to look forward to and distracts your mind from living in the past)
3. Temporarily distance yourself from mutual friends (true friends will understand)
4. Temporarily avoid being at social events where there is a possibility that you may run into your past unless you feel that you are emotionally controlled
5. Change your daily routines (this is part of rebuilding the NEW you)
6. Start a hobby (keeping your mind preoccupied is a plus)
7. Create a new environment for yourself (If you once lived together, and you kept the home, reorganize the furniture in the living room, bedroom…etc.)
8. Box up anything in your home that reminds you of your past (pictures, gifts, etc.)
9. Invest in a new mattress (helps with your mentality, this way when you lay down at night, you won’t have past memories as you would if it were the same mattress)
10. Surround yourself with positive people (friends and family, this helps to build your self esteem and motivate you)
11. Talk about your feelings (discuss the way you feel with friends and family, ask for advice and opinions, it helps to let it all out rather than keeping it inside)
12. Begin the dating scene (meeting new individuals or even making new friends will help to preoccupy your mind)
13. Become your own person (your independency must shine now, start your new world/life)
14. Enjoy your time with your child, and understand that your child will be happy if you are happy!
15. Have NO REGRETS (you can’t change the past, but you can accept it and move on to what the future holds)
16. Don’t live in the past, enjoy your present and plan for your future!
17. Understand that Divorce is unfortunately a common thing, and you are not the first and you are not the last to experience this. So many were able to close this chapter of their life and so can you

What if you have children?

Children can sense when a parent isn’t happy, as long as both parents remain happy in the child’s eyes, then everything will fall into place. There will be a time when your child wants to know why can’t he/she have mommy and daddy in the same house; my advice is based on the age of the child. My 4 yr old son recently asked me that question, and my response to him was: “well sweetheart, mommy wanted her own house and daddy wanted his own house, and now you have 2 houses you can live at”, he’s happy with that response for the moment. As children get older, they will understand more and more, but always keep in mind, Do Not Speak Negatively Of The Other Parent to your child, he/she doesn’t want to hear negative things regarding his mother or father.

Please understand that it is not your fault, you can’t change something that wasn’t meant to be. Everyone must experience some type of major heartache(s) in their lifetime, and this one maybe yours. Your mentality sets your future, be OPTIMISTIC and move on, this is the only thing and the best thing you can do for your self and for your child/children if any.

“EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON”, just keep repeating this to yourself every time you’re feeling down. You’ll be amazed at how soon you will be ready to close this chapter of your life and be 100% ready to begin the next chapter.

HAVE NO REGRETS! Know that you gave it your all and it just wasn’t the right path for you to follow, which now brings you one step closer to finding that one path that was meant for you. Learn from your mistakes and again…move on!!!

This is the mentality that I maintained throughout my divorce period, I honestly hope that this can help at least one person out there who may be experiencing a divorce or even a breakup from a long-term relationship.

“Good luck and keep your head up”

By: Sharlene Le