What do you do when you wake up one morning and realize that the one person that you loved and devoted all your affection to, is now gone?

Well this is round 3 for me, this is the third time my heart has been broken, it feels like a nightmare and I just want someone to pinch me so I can wake up just to find every thing back to the way it was before I fell asleep. In my heart I know he didn’t want to hurt me, I know this is hard for him as well but maybe this needed to happen now in order for him or us to move forward.

Seven months ago I met a guy that I wasn’t even sure if he would be a match for me, little did I know what was ahead, we ended up being a perfect match for each other. There are a countless number of levels that we connect on, we understand each other, we make each other happy, the trust, the communication, the loyalty, the caring, and the affection was all there. He was too good to be true, he made me feel like I was the woman he’s been searching for and I also made it known that he was the man I was longing to be with for so long. We both made each other feel safe and secure, there wasn’t anything wrong in our relationship. Granted, its only been 7 months, at our ages of 30 and 32, we have experienced more with each other than we ever had with anyone else that’s been in our lives. He told me that I do for him what others never have, that made me feel so special because it all comes naturally. I’m grateful that he sees me for the person I am. He brings out the best in me, he completes me and for all these reasons is why my heart let it’s wall down and I fell head over heals in love with him. I have absolutely nothing negative to say about him…

Surprisingly it all came to an end on our 7-month anniversary. He told me that he doesn’t feel as if he wants to be in a relationship; at this point he’s 50/50 on it. There wasn’t anything within our happy relationship that pushed him away, it was the fact that he still walks around with a broken heart from his prior relationship, and he feels as if he’s not being fair to me because he can’t give our relationship his 100%. I’ve done and said all that I can say to him to try and help him see things from a different perspective, but this is something that can be overcome by only him. He truly is a wonderful person, I’m not upset at him but I now walk around with a broken heart and just can’t seem to get back on track. I only hope that he can mend his broken heart and allow himself to be happy like he was with me and only see the positive future that lies before us. Regardless of what happens, he has earned a place in my heart for life, I will always remember him for what he’s worth.

Because of this, I tend to seclude myself from the world, I know this is not the right way to deal with it, but every breakup goes through a mourning process, and I believe that this is the first step in order to find my way back to reality. I also find myself doubting my decisions, usually your body tells you to do one thing and your mind tells you to do something else, in this case, my body, mind, soul and heart is telling me to wait on him, to give him time to mend his past emotions, I’m not sure what I should do, he’s worth the wait, but I can’t help but wonder as time passes, will he forget me? Will he even consider reconciling with me? My whole world feels crushed, I can’t eat, I’ve lost 3 lbs in 1 week, which brings me to 98lbs at 4’11”, I can’t sleep, I’m antisocial (which is not like me, I’m such a social butterfly), I have the urge to cry constantly every time I see or hear something that reminds me of him, but I can’t because there are no more tears so I just sit in silence and I now have anxiety attacks on top of everything else. I do want him to be happy, and if this is what makes him happy, then I have to be a big person and stand down, I am not the type of person to get in the way of anyone’s happiness, I just wish sometimes that things can work out in my favor, but this is LIFE right? You just can’t win them all. God works in mysterious ways, and I must say that he got me good with this one, I’ve been shot by cupid harder than ever.

“If it was meant to be, it’ll happen”

By: Sharlene Le 09.20.09